


Thunderclouds

by liten_blom



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alpha Keith (Voltron), Alpha Kinkade, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beta Rizavi, Discussion of Abortion, Infertility, Keith (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Knotting, Lance (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Light Angst, M/M, Mating Bond, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mentions of miscarriage, Mpreg, Multi, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Omega James, Omega Lance (Voltron), Omega Leifsdottir, Original Character Death(s), Pining, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy, everyone at the garrison is a gossip, kosmo is a good boy, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2019-07-29 16:29:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16268030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liten_blom/pseuds/liten_blom
Summary: It hadn’t been romantic, per se.(Not that James had wanted any sweet, romantic lovemaking during his heat.)James has to live his own small problems alongside the huge clusterfuck that is the war. Not only that, he will also have to deal with them and the pain they bring after, finding unexpected allies and even more unexpected friends on the way. And maybe, if he’s lucky enough, he will also get the guy in the end.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to be a smutty one shot with a/b/o dynamics, as I loved the chemistry between Griffin and Kinkade and my perv ass just had to go and think of something like this. Yet, the story just… kinda punched me in the face and took its own path, so before I knew it I had an entire plot in mind (and the original smutty scene was, like, half eliminated cause it didn’t fit anymore lol). What can I say, I make my own life difficult. Anyway. This is the first fic of mine that actually made it out here, as I enjoyed writing it so much that didn’t feel like deleting it like I did with so many others before it. However, now my self-esteem is at a waaaay higher level than before so. Just gonna drop this here. I do not have a beta so any mistake you see is mine and mine only, and I apologise in advance for the many ones you’ll possibly find as English is not my first language (I actually started writing fics to exercise with my writing-in-a-foreign-language skills, sue me)

“Shit.”

James Griffin was screwed.

Completely screwed.

And not even in the fun way.

You see, the Galaxy Garrison could be considered one of the best military schools in the world, and its cadets’ health was taken seriously. That meant that students always had to be on suppressants to avoid any accidents that could happen because of a surprise heat or rut.

Of course though, being the last line of defence –and possibly the last safe place- of the godforsaken planet meant taking in the many, many people that sought out refuge, and these many, many people needed the same goods as them, such as food and water. Unfortunately though, that also meant suppressants. And their resources were slowly being depleted.

Now, nourishment? There was no problem, the MFE Ares would often be sent on expeditions to look  for supplies outside of the particle barrier, usually successful in finding what was most needed.

As for suppressants? Zero. Nada. They weren’t able to find any apart from a couple of boxes during one of the earlier supply runs, and those too were almost finished. So what was James to do when, about to pop the pill in his mouth, he found out that it was the last of the packet?

Have a nice long shower, that’s what. And if the droplets falling down his face were accompained by tears, well, who was there to witness it?

“Griffin, that you?”

Well.

Kinkade’s voice rung out through the other empty shower stalls and snatched him out of his thoughts, causing him to jump and almost break his neck on the slippery tiles. The string of curses that left his mouth would probably have his gran wait for him at the pearly gates of heaven to wash his mouth with a bar of soap as soon as he joined her. Kinkade, the absolute fucker, was enjoyng this. James didn’t need to check to see the little smirk that always graced the other man’s lips every time he was able to earn a similar reaction from the omega.

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” James could hear the sound of bare feet on the floor approaching and then water start running in the stall next to him, the alpha’s scent thankfully masked by soap.

“Ha ha. Real funny. You know, I could have died. Would’t you feel bad for causing my death?”

“Well I could never deprive Rizavi the pleasure of killing you, you _did_ eat her cup of chocolate pudding.”

“Aw shaddup.”

This was what he needed, the banter coming as easy to him as breathing, pulling his mind away from thoughts of the miserable six days that awaited him. It wasn’t as if the Garrison had toys at the ready for any omega cadet in heat – they _were_ all supposed to be on suppressants. He would just have to do some _creative thinking_ if he wanted to properly take care of his needs. Point was, in a state of mild panic such as the one he found himself in, _there was no such thing as creative thinking._

“Griffin.” Kinkade’s voice dispersed the hazy fog that had enveloped his thoughts, bringing him back to the poorly lit room with a soft surprised sound. The water, now cold – for how long had he zoned out? – was still running over him in fat droplets and there his comrade stood at the entrance of the stall, a towel around his hips and those _amazingly toned abs_ still glistening from his own shower.

Now _that_ really brought him back to the land of the living.

_dontlookdontlookdontlookdont-_

“You still with me?”

James forced himself to look up and meet those unperturbed grey eyes with his own, dismissing the hint of concern clearly visible on the other cadet’s usually blank face. He knew the alpha always put up a stoic facade, but he also knew him well enough to easily recognize the telltale signs that showed his worry for all his comrades, and as much as James preferred keeping a professional relationship with the other pilots he couldn’t help feeling a bit of pride blossoming in his chest for being able to read the usually unflappable young man. But, back to the problem at hand:

an almost naked Kinkade was still staring at him.

And he himself was naked.

In the still running shower.

_God, how long have I been in here?_

“…Sorry. Just. Just thinking.” James was able to murmur, eyes averted as he turned off the water and reached for a towel, for _something_ to cover himself from the alpha’s stare. Said alpha just kept frowing at him but then shrugged, choosing not to pry further, and walked past. And once he heard the door swish closed behind Kinkade, the omega couldn’t help letting out a frustrated groan. Okay, he kinda sorta maybe had a slight crush on his fellow pilot but could you blame him? The guy was the epitome of Tall, Dark and Handsome and James would dig that on a normal basis, let alone when his heat was just a week away. However, only the thought of breaching past the mostly-professional-also-maybe-friends-maybe-not relationship he had with the other MFE fighter pilots made his skin itch in an unpleasant way. He couldn’t help but think about every single way in which everything could go wrong and, okay, _maybe_ he was also afraid of being a poor leader to his team, could you blame him?

He definitely didn’t want that.

So he had to suck it up and suffer in silence through his possibly-unrequired crush, and if during his heat his brain wanted to supply him with a fantasy revolving around a certain dark skinned teammate of his, well. He might as well use it to have some fun during the six days of hell.

Still, the heat issue kept haunting him and two days later found him joining the others at breakfast at their usual table, determined to inform them of his oncoming heat. Now that he didn’t have any more suppressants at his disposal, his body would work through the last of them in a week’s time. So, in a week’s time he would be a whimpering mess, only able to call out for an alpha, _any alpha_ , to come and breed him.

Their reactions weren’t far from what he espected, a nod-wink combo from Rizavi, a shrug from Kinkade and an almost whispered “enjoy yourself”  coming from Leifsdottir – a fellow omega, god bless her soul.

What he _didn’t_ expect though, was _the torture._

Nadia started throwing the most ridicoulous questions about omega anatomy at him, yelling and catching the attention of half the people in the cafeteria, causing him to sink in his seat, both hands coming up to cover his flustered face. He _knew_ she was taking revenge for her stolen chocolate pudding, _no one_ took her chocolate pudding and lived to tell.

_I’m lucky she likes me._

“…It would be really uncomfortable having sex while pregnant, don’t you think? I mean, how would you even be able to do it? There wouldn’t be a lot of space down there, right? The pups would be even more uncomfortable than you and… “

_Scratch that, she **tolerates** me at most._

_Note to self: never take Rizavi’s food ever again._

“…I’m not saying that omegas need to have an alpha, I mean you can make do with toys and all that but I suppose having an alpha to help through the heat could be, like, an _amazing_ experience Griffin, just think about it…”

_How did she switch to **this**?_

“…Maybe Kinkade could help you next week,why don- ”

Before she could finish her phrase though, Kinkade had stood up, chair pulled away from the table with a loud screech that silenced both his teammate _and_ half the pople in the room.

“Rizavi, _enough._ ” James hissed, but the damage was already done. Kinkade only glared at her, and with that, he departed.

 James was pretty sure they all had just witnessed history in the making, as the young alpha had never lost his temper before. And now all eyes in the cafeteria were on his team, as quiet murmurs could be heard from gossip-thirsty cadets. He bristled at the thought of people he barely even knew snooping on his private conversations, and was ready to follow his comrade when out of nowhere Rizavi stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. He was aware of his body working through the last of his suppressants and knew that his sense of smell would heighten as his heat approached, but he couldn’t help the hint of surprise at getting a whiff of mint and… was that lemon? It was faint but _there_. Rizavi’s natural beta smell. And judging from the way she wrinkled her nose at him, she could smell him too.

“Griffin. not to be rude, but you stink of panic. And in case you haven’t noticed, he did too. You two better stay away from eachother for a while, or at least get properly ready if you wanna spend the heat together, before going to see him.” He frowned, only now taking notice of another scent, stronger than Rizavi’s citrus and even than the faint vanilla coming from Leifsdottir.

 It was some kind of… spice? He took a subtle sniff. Yes, definitely spicy. He could clearly recognise cinnamon, and another still… cardamom? Was that Kinkade’s alpha scent?

All of it had a bitter undertone, though, the telltale sign of a panicked or pissed off individual.

James looked around, noting how everyone had gone back to their own business, and brought himself to meet Rizavi’s intuitive stare. He swallowed and nodded in agreement, not really trusting himself to elaborate the lie with words – he knew the first thing he would do once out of the cafeteria would be finding Kinkade and talk to him. She seemed satisfied though, and let him go to turn her attention back on the table where now only Leifsdottir sat. And so, with a self-reassuring nod, James spun on his heel and promptly walked out, then toward Kinkade’s room. Halfway down the hallway though, he stopped, mulling over Nadia’s words. Specifically, the last part.

_Get properly ready if you wanna spend the heat together._

Excluding the three days long presenting heat, an unmated omega’s heat usually lasted around seven days, and the more time spent on suppressants the more intense the heat would be. James’s heats usually lasted less, as per his low, _low_ , fertility.

Yet, an alpha in the equation entailed an even shorter heat, three days for him at most, sparing half of the usual time.

And as one of the best fighter pilots the Galaxy Garrison had to offer in times of war, the one thing James Griffin couldn’t afford wasting was time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You unlocked the Tragic Backstory(TM).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, we go back in time to get some smol James.  
> I'm warning you now, this chapter and the next one are quite short, as I wanted to set the scene, but the chapters after are going to compensate, don't worry!  
> I am updating the tags as I go to be safe as somehow I always seem to forget some, however the ones I already put should cover everything for now. (Also, as for the ships: the main one is Griffin/Kinkade, so the others are background.)  
> Of course, **heed the tags and check the end notes for trigger warnings** , and if I missed something let me know!

Since presenting at eleven, James had only had one heat.

He was a late bloomer, as the usual age was around nine years old, and up until that point everyone had believed him to be a beta, though the sweet undertones of his scent had suggested otherwise.

“Oh darling don’t worry, it’s not unusual for betas to have the scent of an alpha or an omega!” His mother would reassure his ten years old self, as they lay together in the nest she had made – being in the last stages of her pregnancy – after he had espressed his concerns about being different from all his classmates, who had already bloomed in a flurry of musk, of cherries, of strong spices and freshly cut grass, whereas he kept the dull fragrance of ginger that had been with him since birth.

She would often reassure James that no matter his dynamic, his father and her would always, _always_ , love him, and that the only thing he had to focus on was following his ambitions, doing his homework, and living a happy life. The times spent in the nest, surrounded by her natural omega smell laced with milk undertones from the pups in her belly,his hands fluttering over the kicks from his soon to be born siblings, waiting for his father to come home from work and join them in that happy bubble, those were his fondest memories.

And then of course disaster had striked.

James didn’t remember much, he had been half in shock during the whole ordeal, but what he remembered most was the blood. He had seen his mother doubling over one evening after dinner, a gush of blood staining her dress and pain marring her features. His father had been with her the whole time at the hospital, whereas James had been forced to stay in the waiting room, of which the thin, _too thin,_ walls had done nothing to stifle the screaming and the crying of one of the people he loved most in his life.

He also remembered the numb espression sported by his father _after_ , while his mother had been sleeping under the effect of heavy sedatives, as he explained to him that _sometimes it can happen, it’s no one’s fault, they just weren’t ready to come out_.

But, in the month following his mother’s discharge, James had understood the reality of her condition. During that period, his parents had fought so much that he had actually feared their bond would break. Then one night, after a trip to the kitchen for a glass of water, he had overheard them:

_”Hannah.”_

_“I knew what I was facing, I knew it was a risk carrying another pup let alone two, and I did it anyway. I- “_

_“Hannah, please.”_

_“I just can’t… what if I had been more careful? James made it,and his chances were even lower…”_

_“This is no fault of yours, and you know it. No one is to blame for this. And I’m sorry, God I’m so sorry, that you had to go through that, but if… If fate, destiny, or God or whatever it is that makes the world spin, wants us to have a small pack with just the three of us then I’ll take it. I’ll take it and I’ll thank God everyday for the miracle that is having you and Jamie here, with me.”_

After that night, the fighting had stopped. Things hadn’t suddenly gone back to normal – of course, how could they after what had happened? – but his parents had finally started smiling at eachother again, and he himself had stopped feeling his throat closing up everytime he so much as walked past the nursery’s closed door. And when, after a couple of months, he had answered with a simple nod when they had asked him to help with putting away all the stuff of said nursery, he knew they had started healing.

Then, a year after that, James had presented.

Waking up, he hadn’t noticed at first, only thinking of it as a slight fever, but as soon as he had joined his parents at the breakfast table, they both had startled, sniffing the air before hauling him to the car and driving to a private clinic. There, the nurse had taken his blood and sent him to another area yet, where the doctor had had him spread his legs and had poked around in a way that had made him _so uncomfortable_.

In the end, they had let him redress and led him back to his parents, and all three had waited together for the test results that, they knew, would only confirm their suspicions.

However, instead of the nurses congratulating for his blooming as was custom, they had been called to the doctor’s office, where the man had been waiting for them with a grim face. James’s memories were blurried by heat fever, but he did remember the bitter scent of distressed omega that his mother had been permeating the room with, and the anguish he himself had felt as the doctor had informed them that _yes, James is an omega_ , before quickly – like ripping off a bandaid, James would later realise—adding that he had the same condition as his mother, and as her father before her, passed through generations by omega genes, and that he probably wouldn’t be able to bear pups, and if by some miracle he did, the strain would be too much on his body and could cause danger to the little ones too.

After receiving the news, James had spent the rest of the visit staring numbly at the doctor’s desk, the old beta’s words barely reaching him as he read the covers of the many, many pamphlets on it that had seemed to taunt him, all of them somehow showing happily pregnant omegas, that made his throat tighten and his eyes sting. He hadn’t been exactly planning on having children anytime soon, he _was_ eleven thank you very much, but the thought of one day starting a family pack with someone he loved, of having pups with them, had always been able to paint a smile on his face, as he had used to chatter to his mother about her future fifteen (he had been quite enthusiastic at the time, alright) grandchildren and fantasized about a having a huge pack of his own.

Upon returning home, both him and his mother had cried, his father silent as he held both of them in the nest that had been hastily made for the young omega’s comfort, in which James would spend the three following days of his presenting heat crying his eyes out surrounded by the heavy scent of apples and baked goods that now accompained his usual ginger one.

After the heat had diffused, his parents had sat him down at the kitchen table and instructed him on everything he had to know about his condition, and also why he had been born an only child. The doctor had said that it would be extremely unlikely for him to conceive, that his estrogen levels were too low, and that his egg count wasn't high enough. _Defective Omega_ , that was the term used to define people like his mother, like him.

Again, the Griffin pack had been left to pick up the pieces, and when James had started showing a renewed interest in the things that had used to make him happy before everything, and started readying himself for the Galaxy Garrison’s final admission test, his parents had recognised it for the good sign it was.

James had kept his head held high, confident in his intelligence and in his own dynamic, hardworking as ever, and also started his first suppressant cycle – and if the first two months were spent bent over the toilet, heaving his guts out as a reaction to the chemicals in the suppressant itself, his peers had been none the wiser, because he had also started building his mask, the one that would help him through countless jibes about the cold attitude he had in regards of other, _functional_ , omegas.

His hard work had payed off though, and he had passed the tests at the Galaxy Garrison with flying colors, his scores being among the top five.

And, at twelve years old, James Griffin had found something to fill the void left by that doctor’s visit only one year prior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: mentions of blood and miscarriage


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's preparations to do and a crush to confess to. Unfortunately, only one of the two tasks will be accomplished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to thank you guys for the comments and kudos, they make my day!  
> Now here's the other reeeeeally short chapter, from the next one on they will be way longer than this!

Three days after Kinkade’s outburst at the breakfast table, James had finally found him sulking in a corner of the gym, in workout clothes and beating the shit out of a poor punching bag, simultaneously scaring off all the other cadets.

_At least no one will listen in on us._

The original surprise visit though was ruined by the ever strong smell of apple and ginger that now lingered wherever James went, as his heat was now only two days away, and he could see the young alpha’s nostrils flare even before those piercing gray eyes spotted him.

 James thought he could see a spark of interest in them.

“Griffin. Shouldn’t you be in your room getting ready?” The omega actually had to stop at that.

Okay. Straight to the point. He could do that.

“Uh… About that. Kinkade, listen…”

Or maybe not.

He took a deep breath, finally meeting Ryan’s eyes.

“I wanted to ask you if... You’d do me a favour… and _helpwithmyheat._ ” James let it all out in an exhale, already feeling heat rising in his cheeks, the sight of a sweaty Kinkade in workout clothes _absolutely not helping at all._

_Shitshitshit I shouldn’t have asked now he’ll never look at me the same_

For what felt like an eternity silence hung between them, and James was ready to bolt, before his train of thoughts was interrupted by Kinkade moving forward, an arm extending toward him in a silent request.

Suppressing a whine – _no no no you dumbass, don’t be weak_ – the omega complied, offering his own hand to the other to let him reach the glands giving off such sweet scent.

James was still as a statue, tense, as Kinkade brought the offered hand up to his face and started nosing along the wrist, and the omega could feel his body relaxing, almost melting, as his own nose was assaulted by the scent of cinnamon that was now permeating the room along with his own, creating a mouthwatering mix. He was so absorbed that he almost didn’t notice the alpha pulling away, eyes narrowed and once again fixed on him.

“Don’t have anyone you trust enough for this?” Kinkade asked, and James swore he could feel the tips of his ears becoming even redder, if possible.

“I trust _you_ enough.”  James replied, hoping to get him off his case and just _say yes or no_.

Apparently, it worked.

“How much do you still have?” The alpha asked, licking his lips, and _James’s pants suddenly felt too tight._ “Two…Two days, at most.” He felt himself saying, and saw his comrade – lover? Fuck buddy? They couldn’t even be considered friends technically– nod before he turned away and started putting away the punching bag, not even sparing a glance at him.

_Does he even consider me an equal or is he one of those alpha supremacists and sees me as someone who’s only useful for breeding? Joke’s on him, I can’t do-_

He was so invested in his thoughts he didn’t even notice Kinkade coming back toward him, gym bag slung over his shoulder.

_-shit on that front. But on the other hand he didn’t complain when we were assigned to the same group and he actually accepted me as kind of a leader so he couldn’t possibly be that bad. Please don’t let him be a shitty alpha supremacist please-_

“Okay. I’ll help.”

_-please– wait what_

He looked up and found the alpha staring at him, brow raised, waiting for an answer.

“Oh. Okay. Okay.” Deep breath. Time to talk business. “Then I’ll see you on… Thursday, it should start around Thursday. You… You come to my room. I already asked Command for some extra rations, so I stored for six days just in case it’s a long one. No hickies or any kind of mark, or Iverson will kill the both of us.”

Kinkade nodded slowly, and James could see the corner of his lips lift up. The fucker was enjoying seeing him suffer, huh?

At least he now had proof that the other pilot didn’t actually hate him. It was hard to tell with him, the only other people he had seen him talking to out of his own volition were the other MFE pilots, so he could actually just hate everyone in the goddamned base for all James knew, however people had always assumed that it was just the way Kinkade was made. He was indeed the strong-and-silent type.

Of course though, things could never be easy with James.

Kinkade, as chosen heat-mate, had to be aware of how things would have to work, and therefore also had to be made aware of what he was getting himself into by agreeing to a Defective Omega’s request, as some alphas often would out right refuse mating a Defective. So, with squared shoulders, James cleared his suddenly-parched throat, ignored the steadily-growing embarassement, and went off.

“There’s also no need for condoms, we’re both clean and… uh, I’m a Defective so…” He peeked at the alpha’s profile, stopping for a moment to analyse any negative reaction but so far getting none. So he concluded with a blurted “no chances of unwanted brats” that felt oh so bitter on his tongue. And, as an afterthought, “Of course it’s no-strings-attached so you’d just – _help me_ and then we’d.. we’d carry on with our duties and all after.”

_Way to go, James,you’re not making this awkward at all._

This time though, the only reaction he got was a quick surprised glance followed by a curt nod before the alpha saluted and took off.

So, James Griffin was going to spend his heat with Ryan Kinkade.

He needed time to wrap his head around it.

He could only hope that this wouldn’t affect their work together. They were _at war_ , and he wouldn’t let all the good they did as MFE pilots go wasted because of a _stupid heat_.

Even at the cost of his own unrequired feelings.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rating is getting high, yo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for comments and kudos, they make my day!  
> The rating starts getting high buuuuut the actual smut is in the next one. Sorry.

The heat came as predicted.

Thursday morning saw him wake up drenched in sweat and yet shivering, cramps wrecking his insides, slick already pouring out of his hole and onto the thin covers, and a compelling need to _get laid_ already driving him crazy.

James Griffin _hated_ being an omega.

He didn’t know the time nor when Kinkade was planning on showing up, but he knew he had to do something, _anything_ to stop his muscles from tensing so much, to at least alleviate the pain and the _emptiness_ he felt.

He settled for being miserable for a couple of minutes still, curled in fetal position, before finally rising from the small bunk and stripping it of the sheets, exchanging them for clean ones before doing the same with the sweatpants he had worn to bed.

James could also feel the nagging sensation of _wrongwrongwrongwrong_ that came with being unable to build a nest as his instincts were telling him to, and his sweet, sweet scent turned bitter, mind brought back to the one his mother used to build, his favourite safe place, always soft, always smelling of roses and so, _so_ warm.

And with that, the floodgates were open, the young pilot found himself wondering if they were even still alive, tears cascading down heated cheeks and ugly sobs escaping from thin lips, the thought of his loved ones being in peril making him gasp for air as suddenly breathing became so much harder, and the only thing he could do was lay there, trembling on the small bunk, in a room that felt stuffed but was in reality cold and bare.

***

The omega hadn’t even realised he had fallen asleep, nor did he know for how long he had slept, but when he woke up it was to the incessant beeping of the door asking permission to let a guest in, and without hesitation he unlocked it, with no care for the puffy eyes and pale complexion he sported.

He looked awful, and he knew it.

That didn’t mean he would apologise for it.

Traditionally speaking, an alpha had every right to refuse someone that didn’t fit the standard of doe-eyed, curvy, and petite omega with soft, glowing skin and plump lips to die for.

James Griffin had never been one to follow traditions, and any alpha who dared to belittle him for not fitting omega beauty standards could fuck off.

Yet he wasn’t expecting the strong arm that prevented him from going back under the covers and pulled his back flush to a warm chest, nor the warm, spicy scent that was now mingling with his own in an enticing mix, that made him rub his thighs together at the feeling of the slick now running down them, staining his sweats and regaling them with such sweet fragrance.

Moreover, he wasn’t expecting the soft lips that started making his way down his neck, pausing on the sensitive spot that was his scent gland to press a kiss and then resuming their slow descent before stopping at his shoulder. And there, he felt more than heard the words that were mumbled.

“What happened?” Kinkade asked, always straight to the point, and James knew he couldn’t avoid the question, not when the alpha had him tied around his little finger like that. Still, he tried.

“Nothing, just… heat stress, I guess.” It was an half-assed lie, and even the other could very well recognise it.

“Uh-huh.”

The small voice in his brain that remained unaffected by the heat piped up with a _See? Busted_ and he only had the fraction of a second to register his own thoughts before those plump lips were on him again, this time on his clenched jaw and making their way up to his cheekbone, exploring the reddened apple of his cheek on their way and placing fluttering kisses on the tear tracks left by James’s bout of panic not even two hours prior.

And when they stopped there he froze along with them, his head still held high from years of military training, yes, but his eyes half lidded at the thought of those sweet lips in other, more sensitive places.

“We’re not doing anything until you tell me what upset you.”

Then fucking Ryan Kinkade had to go and ruin it.

James groaned at the feeling of those sinful, _sinful_ lips moving away and at being turned around so as to face the bane of his existence. He was in heat, alright, and as much as he was a Defective Omega, he was also a _very horny Defective_ _Omega,_ but apparently the alpha needed a reminder of that.

So he called upon what, in his opinion, was the only useful feature an omega could have: he whined.

A crying, whining omega was the perfect way to turn any alpha into a mindless beast that only relied on their instict to find, comfort, and mate said omega.

It was kind of a low blow, and he could actually get in serious trouble if anyone at the Garrison knew that he had tried to manipulate an alpha, yet at the moment the only thing his heat-addled mind could think was _alphamatebreedbreedbreed._

So James tried.

Boy did he try.

But the warm body in front of him was doing its best impression of a monolith, unaffected even by James’s wildest, most desperate cries, at which point he told himself that if the alpha wasn’t going to be active, he would make do and have fun by himself.

So James drew his hand up to his own bare chest and, with a heated glare toward the Kinkade’s still form, started massaging his hardened nipple, tweaking and pinching it before slowly switching to the other sensitive nub, all the while staring at the alpha.

He knew Kinkade was aroused, he could easily tell from the heavy, almost addictive musk now invading his senses, that was making his opening wetter and wetter in turn as steel grey eyes searched in his own, wide as James’s hands slid lower, down his hips and under the waistband of his sweats and underwear to tease at his slick hole, all the while emitting soft mewling sounds to still try and tempt the alpha in front of him, ignoring the hollow feeling that had made its way in his chest at the refusal.

Time to change tactics and put on a show.

“Like what you see?” James murmured, as slowly backed up until the back of his knees hit the edge of the bunk and he flopped down on it, eyes never leaving the taller pilot as he wriggled out of the sparse clothing and spread his legs, one finger already teasing at his slick opening.

He could see Kinkade struggling to keep composure, still as a statue and eyes now closed, though his nostrils were flared in an attempt to catch the intoxicating smell of omega in heat, and the uniform pants did nothing to hide the erection he sported, James’s mouth watering as his own view fell upon the outline of it.

James felt himself panting as his finger started slipping inside, a soft whine leaving his mouth and finally, _finally_ those amazing grey eyes were open again, and he could feel himself relax as the alpha took a couple of steps in his direction, a hint of possessiveness now present in the sweet mix of spices that was Ryan Kinkade as he kept on walking until he finally stood in front of the shivering younger man, that couldn’t help but grin at the victory without ever letting his fingers stop.

“What took you -ah… What took you so lo—Oomph!” Before the omega could finish, he found his own movements halted by the alpha now on top of him, that had positioned himself as to cover James’sbody completely, clothed knee wedged between bare, pale thighs and strong hand gripping a thin wrist, denying the omega the small pleasure he was working on himself. Lips hovered at the crook of his neck, kissing the hidden scent glands there before moving up to an ear.

“Gonna say it again: not doing anything until you tell me what upset you.” Kinkade whispered, and a soft whimper made its way out of the omega’s lips at that, hips bucking up to gain some fiction, unsuccessfully as the alpha kept his distance.

“Just let me – Please, please…” He couldn’t _think_ past the fog that was currently making everything too… _too much_ , the muted lights of the dorm were blinding him, the covers under him felt like needles stuck in his back, even the hands holding him had his skin crawling with the need to bolt and reach for more at the same time.

_What upset me_

_Why_

_Why was I upset?_

His mother’s smiling face was the first thing to come up in his mind, her soft smile as she let him talk to his siblings in her belly, and then his father’s, his gruff voice reminding him to always work hard to follow his ambitions, their mixed scent of roses and warm coffee, the one that had kept him going after what he considered the two worst days of his life – well, _before_ nazi aliens had showed up and conquered Earth. He was aware that everyone that remained, every refugee, every officer and cadet at the Garrison, had lost someone out there, and since the beginning of the shitfest that was the Galra invasion James had seen mourning his loved ones as almost inappropriate. He would often find people milling about in the main hall, where there was a board full of photos and lists of names that had been created for the sole goal of reuniting families and friends, in the hopes of their own loved ones having arrived with the latest group of refugees but after a quick glance at all the lists with every new arrival he would throw himself back in his work, training alone or with the other officers, going on missions and focusing his mind on anything _but_ the people he wanted to mourn and at the same time couldn’t bring himself to.

Admitting that James was upset about that would be an understatement.

And now he was openly sobbing again, head turned in a futile attempt of hiding from the unwavering stare directed at him as the alpha expected a response.

But then long, calloused fingers were lifting his chin back to meet said stare, and fresh, almost lemon-y cardamom invaded his nose, slowly soothing his mind and overpowering the bitter stench of panic.

“Better?” Kinkade asked in a whisper, and only now did James notice that he had opted for a more comfortable position, still half on top of the omega but slightly to the side, the hard mattress taking most of his weight.

He nodded, not trusting himself to be able of not breaking down in tears again.

They stayed like that for some time, both of them unwilling to break the silence and address James’s close call to a panic attack. Kinkade had taken to massaging and kneading what little soft flesh James’s hips had to offer, but the omega was aware of his worry and also that he wouldn’t breach the subject until he was one hundred percent sure that James himself felt comfortable opening up to him.

And even though he wasn’t exactly ecstatic about it, he would give it a try.

He owed it to his teammate.

So, ignoring his parched throat and still cramping abdomen, James answered the question that had caused him such distress.

“Did…Did you know,” He began softly, letting himself get lost in the soft touch on his hipbone for a moment still. “Did you know that before the Garrison I was about to be a big brother?” He dared a quick peek at Kinkade’s face, catching a glimpse of frown lines and raised eybrows.

“My mom… when she was pregnant she, she would nest like crazy and let me sleep in it with her.” James couldn’t help a twist of lips at his own words, and another glance confirmed to him that the alpha too was sporting a smile, that softened his features at the point of making him look so much younger.

“Then she lost them. She…” Another sob tore through his throat. “She lost them. My little sisters died and I, I couldn’t do anything to help my mom, or them.” He buried face in the alpha’s clothed chest as he began crying his heart out again, uncaring of his own still naked body.

“And I can’t help but feel the same way now, I don’t know if my parents are safe or… or even alive and, and at the same time I feel like it’s stupid, everyone here has lost someone but– “ He was interrupted by a soft hushing noise and buried his nose back into the crook of his companion’s neck, letting the sweet and savory cinnamon wash over him.

He could feel Kinkade’s strong arms circling him again, soothing noises coming from the alpha’s lips that were now pressed to his forehead, nose to James’s hairline, scenting him, taking in the smell of sweet apples accompained by the pungent ginger that was so peculiar for an omega to have. Then the alpha spoke.

“I miss my sister too, y’know, and I know it’s hard waiting for any piece of news that may tell you if they’re still alive but,” Kinkade let out a deep sigh, “They wouldn’t want you to waste away in their absence, not like this. And you have achieved so much, as leader of an elite squad, helping innocent people caught in a stupid war and bringing intel back to the Garrison to help _win_ said stupid war. Your family pack would be so proud of you, James, and they would hate seeing you give up on them like this.” James felt the alpha cup the back of his neck and looked up, losing himself into pools of molten steel and letting a smile stretch his lips at the strong scent of protectiveness that stuck to his mate – no, wait, mate?

He mentally hissed at his stupid inticts to _shut up,_ he couldn’t afford to lose himself in stupid delusions of love, not now nor ever.

But _oh_ , his traitorous brain supplied, _they’re so worth it if it means I get to see him like this._

Indeed, a soft look had taken over Kinkade’s – _Ryan’s_ , he corrected himself, _might as well go all the way_ – features, and James realised he couldn’t have been more enamoured. In all the time he’d known him, since they were both cadets, he’d always been so serious. So put together. He thought that might be the first time he’d seen a genuine smile on the other man’s face. It made him look…soft.

And so James snuggled up further into his alpha, uncaring of cramps, of lust, of the war itself that was raging outside of the flebile protection the particle barrier still had to offer, and dozed off to the soft rumbling coming from his… mate?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can now go be spooky.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, these two dumb lovesick puppies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Me:** I want to keep a weekly posting schedule :)  
>  **Writer's block/internet connection/university:** hold my beer  
> So, yeah. My beloved weekly schedule came out of the closet as bi-weekly.  
>  ***ba dum tss***  
>  I'm not sorry for the terrible joke.  
> Anyway. Back to the point. Still have some chapters already written, and my writer's block is finally un-blocked, so don't worry, the change in schedule doesn't mean I'm abandoning this.  
> Also, you guys brighten my day with comments and kudos and I'm so happy you're enjoying this, thank you so much!  
>  **Also,** gotta run 'cause there's Medici on television. *throws porn at you*

It hadn’t been _romantic_ , per se.

(Not that James had _wanted_ any sweet, romantic lovemaking during his heat.)

But _oh_ , how Ryan had awoken him when the pheromone-laden air had become too much for him to ignore, mouthing at the omega’s neck and kneading the soft skin of his hip, emitting his own aroused scent that had fresh slick pouring down James’s thighs, dampening Ryan’s own tented pants.

And _oh,_ how he had brought a hand to smooth the sweat-slick hair out of James’s face, running his hand down his cheek and waiting for the omega’s consent. The reality of what they had been about to do had sunk in and for a moment, the idea of refusing and calling off their deal in fear of causing an unwanted bond had actually crossed James’s mind. However the small rational part of his mind had reminded him of how he needed it to be back in working condition, functional and _useful_ in some way, in half the time. And besides, it was just sex. Adrenaline-filled and pheromone-fueled sex. Physical. Nothing more than that. Just physical. No need to worry.

So a strangled “Yes” had escaped his lips, and Ryan had needed no more prompting, shedding his clothing before slowly making his way down the omega’s torso, only stopping to lavish the pert nipples, resuming down the taut stomach and down, down, ignoring a rock hard shaft and finally, _finally_ pressing those sinful lips of his on the puckered hole. He had taken the omega apart with tongue until James was begging from his ministrations, feeling naked in more ways than he could have immagined, and then had spread him open on his fingers when deemed wet enough, twisting and stroking, crooking them to see the man under him arch with unabashed cries and start grinding against them.

If James could be usually considered as quite bossy in any other situation, with friends, in school or out in the field, well, it was nothing compared to what had transpired in that dorm room, on the bunk that had been way too small for the both of them, as he was fucked on the already impressive soaked spot on the thin sheets and howled as the alpha above him eventually sank inside with a groan muffled against James’s collarbone, to the rythm of pleas that had indeed sounded more like orders to go _faster, harder, deeper,_ seemingly ripped from James’s throat and only spurring the alpha on further.

But Ryan had never complained, and at every request, at every desperate moan he only complied, chasing his own pleasure in the omega’s tight, wet channel that spasmed around him as James came, still impaled on his shaft and begging for the alpha to knot him, to _breed_ him.

So Ryan did, his knot locking him in place, the sensation pushing the alpha over the edge, his own orgasm shooting through him.

And when the alpha had caught a glint of affection in James’s eyes,after his knot had stretched past the rim, painting the omega’s insides white, and before they both had given into sleep, he could only chalk it up to the effects of heat.

Because how could he ever hope for James to reciprocate his feelings?

_\---_

Three days passed like that in a frenzy, a whirlwind of sweet scents that would stick around the cramped room for days, mattress creaking with their movements and sweat dripping down their bodies, a cycle of _fuckbreedmatematemate_ only disrupted by the alpha’s knot going down, allowing them to eat and rest before resuming.

Of course, things couldn’t stay as peaceful as they had been until now.

On the fourth day of his heat, for what felt like the upteenth time – and it probably _was_ – James’s body locked tight, raising up on shaky thighs, quivering at the smooth drag of Kinkade’s cock inside of him, slick opening clenching around the thickness that was reaching his every hidden spot, hips almost moving of their own accord as he threw his head back, panting and drooling, eyes fluttering as he felt his body climb closer to orgasm.

James himself was barely aware of Ryan fucking into him harshly, both of them lost in the scent of mating that was overpowering the air around them, the alpha’s hips snapping up against his ass as the omega rode him, slick squelching sounds of skin on skin and fluids filling the air between them, and he only had the time to register the hard grip on his thighs, coming to as his world suddenly tilted and he found himself pushed on all fours— _the proper breeding position_ , his mind supplied —whining at the sudden emptiness and clawing at the sheets beneath him as the alpha only slipped his engorged cock over his leaking hole, smearing the slick all over, before taking pity and slamming back in, the swollen knot now catching on the rim with every movement.

Ryan  let out a soft grunt at being back in that wet heat, fucking James harder and faster at a new angle, pounding him into the bed, gripping one bony hip to steady himself and letting his other hand travel to the omega’s hard shaft. The other yowled at the feeling of his prostate being stimulated over and over and finally he was caught in a sweet, _sweet_ release, the intoxicating scent that came with it seeming to have the alpha above him lose all composure and with one, two deep thrusts he was coming, knot now fully inside the mewling omega, stretching him in the sweetest way and keeping the hot load from escaping.

James kept on rocking against Kinkade even while tied by the alpha's pulsing knot, feeling the warmth inside him as the other bent over him and rested his forehead on a pale, freckled shoulder, peppering it with butterfly kisses, sneaking in a soft bite every so often, as they both regained their breath and for a moment, just one moment, instincts took over and James couldn't help but think about a future with him, with his alpha, a future made of lazy mornings spent in bed with a couple of dark haired pups squished between them in a nest that smelled of cinnamon and apples, a future that he knew he could never, ever obtain, the reality of both the war and his own infertility pressing down on James, crushing his lungs, making him gasp for breath and shut his stinging eyes.

"Hey, you alright?"

The soft lilt in Ryan's voice brought him back to reality, the alpha's fingers now slowly running through James’s hair, soothing his thoughts away.

Ryan was only possibly concerned for the distressed scent he had started giving off, James was sure, but the young omega could actually feel his chest warming up, as Ryan gently turned them both on their sides, comfortable for the time being, and observed him.

But James was exhausted, and he couldn't be bothered to explain at the moment. Especially, not to Ryan. He simply nodded and settled against a firm chest, content to feel the strong heartbeat there, to be able to rest knowing that at least one of the people he cared about was here, safe, with him.

\---

After that last bout, the cramps and itching need that made his skin crawl had finally subsided, and James knew his heat had too.

And so would Kinkade, once he smelled the the change. He felt Ryan shift and then strong hands came up to his chin, tilting his face toward, forcing James to meet those eyes that seemed to pierce him through even while half-lidded, heavy from sleep.

 And then one mumbled phrase had cold wash over him.

“I know y’ said ya can’t…” a quick glance to James’s flat stomach “…y’know. But soon as we're out of here y'need t' get the pill, 'kay? Need t’ be safe."

James felt his stomach drop and suddenly couldn't stand to be in the same room as the alpha.

Logically, he knew that, even with reciprocated feelings and a Mating bite as an established couple, the both of them couldn’t afford to be tied down by that kind of responsibility, not when they were both active parties in an intergalactic war.

But that didn’t mean that James, still in an unstable condition of messed up heat hormones, couldn’t feel at least a bit hurt by that.

As soon as the knot went down he got up and busied himself in the attached bathroom, cleaning himself up and then tidying up everything that seemed even remotely out of place in the room, a lingering sense of wrongness still within him – _Nesting? Again?_ – before changing into a clean uniform. He could feel Ryan's narrowed eyes following him all througout it and did his best to ignore him until at last he couldn't stop himself from snapping at him.

“ _What?_ ”

No response.

“Ryan, if you don’t—“

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you in any way.”

That had James stop in his almost- obsessive tidying and sitting beside the now fully awake alpha, blinking hard at the man, who still sported the same usual unperturbed expression, but there, _there_ , there was a downward tilt of his lips. He did seem regretful.

_Did he seriously say that?_

Ignoring the small voice in his head, that suspiciously sounded like his mother, stating _He’s a keeper,_ the omega half shrugged.

“Whatever,” he mumbled, “no need to apologise for shit like that. Not like I’m gonna have anyone’s baby anyway.”

Ryan— _It’s Kinkade, okay? We’re just fellow officers, nothing else. No first names_.—  frowned at him, forehead creasing in momentary concern before nodding at him and going for the bathroom himself. And James couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering all over that gorgeous ass—No. Not going there.

_Except that we spent the last four days fucking, so too late. Already went there. Heh._

…

 _Oh shit I really slept with him shit shit that was_ so _wrong—_

“Hey.”

Blue, panicked eyes snapped up to meet grey, calm ones and time for James stopped. The alpha was hovering there, in front of him, smelling of the neutral body wash the Garrison provided and dressed in his uniform, ready to leave.

“So… I’m going. I’ll see you tomorrow at training?”

_Say something. Ask hi m out. Tell him about how you feel. Tie him to the bed and never let him out of the room. Anything.Don’t just sit there and look like a dead fish._

“Alright. Yes. I, uh, I’ll see you then. And thanks for the heat, I… I really enjoyed it.”

A noncommital sound from the alpha.

_Fuck my life. “I enjoyed it”? Really? The Galra better kill me before I do the job for them._

“…No problem, I guess.”

And with that, Ryan Kinkade was out of James Griffin’s room, leaving its exhausted owner in a mess of sticky sheets and unwanted feelings.

_So he really doesn’t feel anything for me._


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings happen. And so does something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know that in the Pompeii site, a beheaded man was found in an anphore that sat in a butchery? There's nothing about him, the only thing that's known is that he had been already dead before the eruption. There's always something new to learn, huh?  
> Yes, I am posting this while Alberto Angela, national icon of knowledge, is on screen talking about the last days before Pompeii's destruction. I regret nothing. Also, I remember writing this chapter while on a night-long binge listening to Cher’s rendition of ABBA songs, and I refuse to find out what horrors this might contain because of that.  
> You might find the lyrics to Chiquitita at one point, who knows. You have been warned.  
> Anywhoo, your feedback always makes me so happy and keeps me going, thank you guys!  
> As always, **heed the tags and check the end notes for trigger warnings,** and let me know if I missed anything!

James had meant to take the pill.

Really.

He might have been a bit starved for a family pack, but he wasn’t dumb enough to risk having babies while occupied with fighting a war. And he might have been Defective, but that didn’t mean that the smallest of possibilities of conceiving wasn’t there.

The problem was, he ended up not taking the pill.

In his defense, it was all Kogane’s fucking fault.

The day after the end of his heat, James had planned to snuck into the infirmary afterhours and steal the damn foil packet that contained his prize.

But _of course_ , of all the times they could have returned during a three year long Galra occupation, the great paladins of Voltron had to choose that day to make their grand entrance back to Earth. _Of course._

So as his team was called to help the paladins out in the city and escort them back to the Galaxy Garrison, as they all focused on the given mission, and as they coordinated for a last attack on Sendak’s troops,  the thought slipped from James’s mind.

In the end, they won. Voltron, the MFE Ares, the Atlas, paladins and officers alike, they all worked together and kicked ass.

Kinkade seemed to be the same as usual, almost as if those four days hadn’t happened at all. His behaviour, James noted, was in the ordinary. The alpha bickered with Rizavi and talked strategies with Leifsdottir as he always did, he followed James’s orders without any questions and trusted his own team to have his back.

Nothing had changed between them.

 Victory was eventually followed by seemingly never-ending meetings and missions to eliminate any straggler Galra group still on the planet, with the help of the Coalition and the Blades of Marmora brought along by the Black Paladin’s mother— _yes, his mother._ Apparently Kogane wasn’t human. It actually explained a lot.—so yes, James had had a couple of busy weeks, and only when he caught sight of a familiar foil packet on a shelf in the infirmary during a routine check up did he remember about the precaution he should have taken two weeks prior.

Exhausted as he was, body aching more than ever, James slipped unnoticed back to his room to finally have some time to come to terms with the mistake he had made. His stomach churned at the thought of neglecting something so important.

Sitting on the bunk where he and Kinkade had consummated the heat only made matters worse as panic caused omega instictcs to go haywire, driving him to pitifully whine and bury his still sensitive nose in the pillow in hope of finding comforting trace of alpha, _of mate_.

Luckily –or maybe not, considering James’s current state—Kinkade’s scent had been washed out of the sheets as soon as the alpha had left and so the young leader could only ride out the small breakdown with nothing there to anchor him.

His frantic mind offered different alternatives, and each he had to turn down if he didn’t want the Garrison to find out. As much as the school had always prided itself on the plan of integration they had always had, that consisted in having a percentual of omegas in new cadets each year, the dynamic was still seen as weak when compared to alphas and betas, therefore rarely seen in high places of the chain of command, and James wouldn’t let this be the perfect excuse for Command to disqualify him, to put his team in someone else’s hands at the first signs of him being unfit for field work, possibly assigning him to a desk job.

_A fucking omega secretary, how stereotypical._

But then he recalled a doctor’s visit, that the old beta spent spewing out percentage after percentage about Defectives.

 _”The likelihood of Defectives conceiving is quite low,”_   the man had said, _”only twelve percent of the entire population of Defective omegas is that lucky , and of that twelve percent, only half carries out a pregnancy that doesn’t end in either a miscarriage, the death of the pups, or the death of both omega and pups.”_

And for the first time since barging into his own room not too long ago, James took a deep, steadying breath, and let himself calm down. What were the odds?

He would talk to Kinkade about it the next time he saw him -the alpha deserved to know- and they would figure it out together.

*****

Apparently, his life was just that fucked up.

When he saw Kinkade again it was during a meeting, the week after his small breakdown, three weeks post-heat.

James had planned to corner him after it, to inform him of the current situation and ask him to accompany him to the infirmary wing as with an alpha there with him things would proceed in a smoother way, but alas, in the end he didn’t. Because, during said meeting, it was decided that various groups would be sent to the fallen Garrison bases worldwide to help with rebuilding in different cities and freeing any labour camp that was still standing. Kinkade, along with Veronica, would lead a team of a dozen other officers in Canada. They would depart that same night and would stay there for an indefinite amount of time. James, along with Rizavi, Leifsdottir and the paladins, was to stay and help with reconstruction in the surrounding cities.

Kinkade was assigned his own team.

It wasn’t a promotion, sure, but it was the next best thing in times like these.

And James couldn’t, wouldn’t bring himself to worry the alpha to the point of distracting him from the job or, worse, making him chose between the mission and himself.

So he kept his mouth shut, only biding a goodbye and good luck to Veronica and Kinkade before making a hasty escape as soon as the meeting ended, feeling both alphas staring at his back until he finally turned the corner, speeding off toward the common room, where he could take some time for himself to think about the state of _things_ , to make plans and decide how to go about them.

Needless to say, by the time he reached his destination he was almost hysterical, skin crawling and a headache already forming behind his eylids.

Order. He needed order. He needed to estabilish some rules with himself.

*****

In the end, James wrote lists.

Or at least tried to.

He had started by writing pros and cons of letting Kinkade know, but then, somehow, he had lost himself in arranging flight formations and now slips of paper covered the entire surface of the coffee table, his messy handwriting on full display, ink smudges staining the corners and a slightly-chewed pen abandoned beside it as he stared from the couch.

It had somewhat calmed him down.

It had also helped him take a decision.

James wouldn’t tell Kinkade.

He wouldn’t go to the infirmary, either. He was certain of the impossibility of any of his eggs being fertile enough to take, and wouldn’t risk outing himself to the doctors as the “silly, irresponsible omega” he had been—sometimes, medical staff behaved that way towards omegas, trating them the same way one would a child, incapable of making their own decision. He definitely wouldn’t let them.— so he would just go on with his life and job at the base, and Kinkade would go on with his, no unsolved feelings between them, no bonds, no unwanted surprises.

Easy peasy.

*****

It was after two months that James started noticing things.

 _Things_ being the feeling of fatigue that now always accompained him, which he had attributed to doing the heavy work on some destroyed sites.

Or an inclination to have mood swings, which he assumed was simply a result of overworking and pushing himself to the limits, something he promised himself to never do again after having brought a cadet to tears by telling her that the glasses she was wearing made her look terrible and no one would ever love her because of that, and then start crying himself for having upset her.

 _Or,_ the now frequent need to empty his bladder – honestly, he really had no idea how to explain that one.

Oh, he kept going, because what better way to forget that which the logical part of his brain registered as heartbreak, but to push and push and _push_ , to the point of being too exhausted to think about it?

But his presence around the base was now akin to that of ghost, sometimes people saw him wandering around the halls at night in search of a snack and they would be _absolutely frightened_ by his unkept appeareance, and the day after their claims of having seen him would be met by a chorus of “No way man!” and “How did you survive?”

Point was, everyone seemed to have noticed something was wrong, while James kept giving himself explanation after explanation. The sudden need to cry when he saw that the folders on his desk weren’t colour-coded? He was up to his neck in paperwork, he _needed_ it to be organised alright. A craving for mushrooms dipped in custard at 3AM? He was only _experimenting_ _ethnic_ _cousine as a cure for insomnia_ , thank you very much. And thank whatever god was up there for the miracle that was Hunk Garrett, with his culinary skills and no-questions-asked policy.

In the end Rizavi and Leifsdottir were the ones who, one morning, took pity on him and suggested he go to the medical wing, by none too gently pushing him off the couch he was wallowing on, eating uncooked canned corn—he usually _hated_ that—during his off hours, and telling him to “Get your flat ass there before you make every single cadet here escape and leave us out of fresh meat”.

*****

“It seems, Officer Griffin, that congratulations are in order.”

*****

Around two hours later saw James back on the couch in the common room, hunched over and trembling as he stared holes into his own abdomen, as if he could somehow see through layers of clothes, skin and muscle, and reach what, according to the doctor, was still a small bundle of cells no bigger than a pea.

That’s how Rizavi and Leifsdottir found him before lunch, coming back from training the new recruits.

“James you lazy bitch, where were you? Did the visit last that much—woah, you okay there?” Nadia was at his side in a flash, hands steady on his shoulders and inquisitive stare scanning a face that was blotchy from crying for any sign of illness from behind the thick lenses. In the meantime, Ina had sat on his other side, sitting on the hard cushions and studying him. Smart as they were, they both had probably already figured out what ailed him even before the doctor’s visit, and only sent him there to confirm their suspicions.

“James, breathe.” Nadia took his hand, and he felt like he was listening to her from under water, her words not really reaching him. She really seemed worried about his state, and shot a look at her other fellow officer, willing her to help.

And Ina did.

James blinked hard as soon as a pale wrist was shoved in front of him, the freshly cut grass and vanilla registering in his brain and brief flash of _pack, safe_ his insticts threw at him making him melt into his omega companion, feeling exhausted, feverish.

For what seemed like an eternity, silence reigned.

Then, Rizavi broke it.

“It’s true, then? You’re,” she gestured at his stomach, “you’ve got a bun in the oven?”

James’s staring contest with the floor was enough of an answer to that.

“Judging by the timing of your heat, and your interactions with our fellow officer Kinkade, is it correct to assume that it’s his pups you are carrying?” Leifsdottir inquired, raising an eyebrow and nudging his face with her still extended wrist when he didn’t answer to that either. James was lost in thoughts for a moment, staring at his own hands placed on his knees before nodding, slowly, like he wasn’t even sure of it himself.

Then he spoke up.

“He doesn’t,” he croaked, throat raw, “he doesn’t know, and he can’t—Ina he can’t know about it, he can’t he can’t he can’t-” his hands came up to cover his face, as desperate crying resumed, sobs wrecking his figure, muffled howls probably already scaring away anyone who was thinking of entering the room.

It was all because of one stupid fucking mistake on his part.

He should have taken the pill, he should have gone to the infirmary and ask for a test just so that he could be sure of not having conceived.

_Or better yet, I could have spent the damn heat by myself._

But now, he reasoned, it was too late for him to go back in time to that damned heat and kick Kinkade out of his dorm room, or to take a pill and flush these... these _things_ —he  couldn’t aknowledge them as pups, they were just conglomerates of cells. Besides, he knew he would get attached otherwise—out of him, quick and simple, with the Command at the Garrison being none the wiser.

He _could_ work himself to exhaustion, or, or he could ask someone, maybe one of the paladins, to spar with him, or—yes, _yes_ , he would goad Keith into a fight where the hothead wouldn't pull his punches, and one hard kick would “accidentally” catch his abdomen and, and—

 _You're panicking. You need to, need to calm down,_ the logical part of his brain screamed at him.

And there, _there_ , as Ina adjusted them all to be comfortable while keeping her and Nadia both close to their companion, red rimmed eyes caught on the soft belly that hadn’t even started straining against his standard uniform yet was still _there_. He had simply attributed it to slacking off after winning the war, but now he obviously knew better than that, and he found himself unable to keep his hand from sneaking under the cream fabric and caressing the soft, slightly distended skin there.

He couldn't, wouldn't dare to hope for the pups to survive but _oh_ , the thought of having a litter, even a small one, had already taken root into his head before he could even reason with himself that _it wouldn't be healthy, they will die, I DON'T WANT THEM._

And so his traitorious brain fed him visions of lips open on silent words mouthed against a distended belly, of pearly whites leaving a bonding Bite on swollen glands, of dark skinned pups sleeping in a nest that smelled of apple and cinnamon—

_"As soon as we're out of here, you need to take the pill, okay? We need to be safe."_

There. Another reason why James couldn't keep the pups—pup? Would he have an only child, like his mother before him?

Kinkade had never signed up for a mate, much less a mate with an unwanted, as Rizavi had put it, “bun in the oven”.

Moreover, pregnancy for an omega that was in healthy condition and hadn't abused of suppressant but was still unmated, was dangerous at its best. What would James's, a Defective that had been on suppressants since presenting, be like? He had already defied at least half of all the textbook notions about Defectives, but would he be that lucky during the rest of the pregnancy too?

He had no guarantee that both he and his pups would be alright throughout the entire gestation period, and that scared him.

But the skin on his neck itched, right on his scent gland, where Kinkade had pressed a moltitude of kisses, teeth softly scraping the skin but never leaving marks in their wake as per James’s request, and suddenly the thought of having pups, _Kinkade’s_ pups, somehow didn’t make his eyes sting with fresh tears anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Tw: talk of miscarriage and abortion**  
>  Booi what a ride. I wrote the entire chapter while under ABBA’s influence, except for the ending.  
> The ending I wrote while emotional from the Les Mis soundtrack my friends gave me as birthday gift a couple of days later, making myself cry while writing because _of course_ “I Dreamed a Dream” came right while I was writing the last part.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans are made, a discussion is had, a frienship is born, and space wolf cuddles are the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Luckily the old thing is still alive and kicking, so I'm posting this now because. I mean. I think everyone needs a pick-me-up after s8. I've cried more than once _and I've only seen the screenshots and read various spoilers and rants._  
>  About the fic:  
> So, I consulted various sites and blogs to try and be at least a bit accurate with the way the developing of a baby proceeds, now that was weird.  
> As for the symptoms on James’s body, like morning sickness and such, I based myself on the ones a friend of mine is undergoing during her own pregnancy (so I think it should be kinda accurate), of course adding some traits because of the Omegaverse.  
> Last but not least: Thank you guys for the all the support shown, you made me wanna bake a shitton of cookies and send them to you as thanks, and as always, I thrive on your feedback!  
> Now, enjoy this reeeeally long chap!

**Eight weeks, Kosmo.**

Rizavi and Leifsdottir had asked him what he planned to do.

James had answered that he didn’t know.

At their blank stare though, he had simply cast a glance at his own folded hands resting on his abdomen, murmuring “I think I want to keep them. I know I’ll make mistakes, lots of them for sure, but… I’m willing to try.”

And so his two teammates, brilliant, amazing people they were, helped him set up a plan.

They talked and talked and talked, until well past evening, nibbling on protein bars that tasted stale and eventually leaving the lounge in favor of the dorms, where they kept on until the early morning hours, when they fell asleep one by one in a pile of pillows and sheets James had haphazardly strewn on the floor – _not a nest_ , his mind supplied, _but still good for pack_.

And, when the time came to go back to their posts and resume their job, they were as ready as they could ever be.

It was decided that James would normally go on with work and having check ups after assuring the doctor that he would be the one to take care of the necessary paperwork to let his superiors know about the situation.

Of course, as per their plan, he would do no such thing, only letting Command know when the bump became too big and the scent too strong to hide, asking for a couple of months’ leave and then getting back to work as soon as possible after the birth. It was risky for both him and his career, and sketchy at best -there _was_ the possibility of the doctors talking to any Commander and unknowingly telling James’s secret- but it had been the best they could come up with while running on three hours of sleep each.

And so they went, working side by side on the field, with the paladins and their lions always there to back them up and do the heavy lifting as buildings rose again to stand against the skyline and civilians volunteered  to help with the more mundane tasks or only to show support — that same morning, an old omega woman showed up to the destroyed site bringing milk and cookies, _an actual jug of milk accompained by an enormous plate of freshly baked cookies,_ with her, claiming that her hip could stop her from heavy lifting but not from “feeding the whole darn Garrison with dear old ma’s secret double chocolate chip cookie recipe if I have to, look at the poor things, they look starved”.

And she may have been exaggerating, seeing as she had proceeded to spend the whole morning referring to an entire squadron of highly trained officers as “scrawny kids”, but they all welcomed the woman’s offerings and company with soft chuckles ready to burst out when she recounted stories from her own army days and sad glints in their eyes when she told them about losing her beta mate, her son and granddaughter during the invasion.

James, who had already been running on few hours of sleep because of the anxiety that kept on making him question the plan’s working -therefore being phisycally and emotionally exhausted- had to stop and take a deep breath to keep himself from whining at the scent of sorrow that rose in the air when she told them about finding the five years old’s broken body clinging to her father’s likewise still form.

Luckily Rizavi, who had been working alongside him, had noticed, and with a firm hand on his shoulder guided him to the other side of the camp with some flimsy excuse shouted over her shoulder at the rest of the team. She forced him in a sitting position on a fallen concrete slab lying next to one of the new buildings, throwing protein bars and relentlessy nagging and poking at him until he finally acquiesced and silently took one, ripping the packet open and letting the tension in his body melt as he undid the first two buttons of the uniform and munched on that _dumb_ protein bar.

The sun shone over them, denying their heated skin the chance to cool down after the heavy work they had done, but James didn’t care. They sat there, side by side, tasting chemically-induced flavours and watching from afar as their comrades scurried around like ants.

The omega actually felt bad for taking a break while the others were still working.

_Five more minutes. Then I’m going to join back in._

However, Nadia did not seem to be in a hurry to go back.

“You alright? You looked like you were about to fall over.” She asked, eyes never leaving the pad she had brought with her, fingers of one hand tapping the screen as the other raised food to her mouth.

James shrugged, still feeling overwhelmed by the poor woman’s story. His mind flashed back to the warmth of a home that always smelled like roses and coffee no matter what, wondered what might have been of the walls that had witnessed all of his childhood prides and sorrows, and he lost himself in the scenery right in front of him.

Many others had decided go on a break, leaving the equipment to be taken back up later, and the Black and Yellow lions, whose paladins had also been lending a hand in the city, were stationed not too far, bright colours contrasting against the clear blue sky and gigantic forms somehow not looking out of place sitting in between two of the older buildings which had survived the attacks.

 _Man, dad would’ve loved those mecha cats_.

Joseph Griffin had been a chemist, yes, but he had always had the hobby of tinkering with all sorts of big and small mechanisms, and he had actually been the first to notice and then nurture James’s early obsession with all things related to space, that manifested itself when he had gifted his son, aged five at the time, a music box that projected tiny costellations that spun around as it played.

God, did James miss him.

“I was thinking,” he began, finally willing to answer Nadia’s question.

“Wow, must be really difficult for you.” The beta interrupted, finally detaching her eyes from the statistics running onscreen to wink at him.

The omega rolled his eyes and shook his head at her fondly, huffing.

“ _I was thinking,”_  he repeated, before continuing, “about what that woman told us. About…” he let out a heavy sigh, “about her family.”

Rizavi’s expression quickly sobered up, and now her full attention was on him, tablet now resting on her thighs, forgotten. She observed in that way that was _so her_ , the one that always made James think of a scanner , seeing through him, making it impossibile to hide anything from her. And indeed that was what Rizavi did.

“You’re worried about protecting them.” It was a statement, one that made James’s shoulder hunch and the nervous habit of smoothing his hair back reappear.

He didn’t reply immediately, opting instead to hunch further, to rest his elbows on his knees and taking a moment to observe Kogane and Garrett get back to work, followed by a couple of other officers and the Black Paladin’s frankly-scary-but-fluffy wolf.

Then, James ripped his eyes away and steeled himself to admit his fears.

“It’s not really… I mean, yes, it _is_ about protecting them, but more of a _caring for them_ way.”  He said, avoiding his comrade’s sharp stare. “I don’t know a thing about babies, Nadia. What if I drop them or something? Or if they get sick and I don’t even notice?” He shared his anxiety, cerulean eyes fixed on his combat boots.

Rizavi sighed in turn.

“Listen, James. I know you must be _terrified_ , you told me so yourself last night, and I can’t even imagine how you feel what with…” she gestured vaguely at his stomach, “…y’know. But last night you also took a decision, and you need to be _sure_ of it because in a couple more weeks there’ll be no going back and then you’ll be stuck with an unwanted baby.”

James finally looked at her, drawing long legs up and crossing them.

She raised a dark eyebrow, waiting for an answer.

He pursed his lip in thought, letting his eyes drift back to their team mates for a moment before returning them to the familiar face.

“I don’t know.” He mumbled.

Nadia reeled back, surprised. Then her face recovered with a sharpness to it that he had only ever seen on her while irritated.

“James, only twelve hours ago you said you wanted to—”

“I know what I said last night, Rizavi.” He snapped. “And I also know that right now I’m not sure of it anymore. So I’m gonna repeat it. _I don’t know_. Happy?” He spat, rising from the hard stone, dusting off and fixing his uniform, striding off to camp without a single glance back at his shocked comrade.

As he made his way over, though, he was greeted by a flash of blue light and eighty pounds of pure fluff.

“Kosmo, _no_! BAD BOY! We’ve talked about this, you _don’t_ jump people like that!”

Of course, his day could only get any worse. Of course, he had to run into Keith Kogane and his amazingly-cool-badass-and-fluffy wolf.

Who was, apparently, named _Kosmo_ of all things.

_Of course._

James pulled himself back up as soon as the giant puppy was off him, disappearing in a flash of light and reappearing the same way beside his owner, tail wagging excitedly as the black paladin stopped to pet him.

Said paladin only seemed to take notice of who exactly had been tackled by the wolf when James moved to dust his uniform off, observing him with indigo eyes that had an unnerving quality to them –really, James should have guessed that the boy had been an alien ages ago, no one had eyes that color—and appearing quite amused by the officer’s misadventure, if the slight smirk he was sporting was anything to go by.

That damn smirk that always made James’s blood boil, like when the other kid had somehow won a Garrison scolarship even after having stolen an officer’s vehicle and had turned to him with a grin that had been at the same time satisfied and venomous.

So, already on edge from the previous conversation with Rizavi, sensitive omega nose assaulted by the sandalwood and lemon that was distinctive of the alpha in front of him, James snapped.

_”Shut up.”_

Keith’s eyes widened, and he actually appeared surprised for a moment, before switching to defensive mode.

“What? I didn’t say anything!”

“You were _thinking_ about it. Unlike you, I have important stuff to do, Kogane, and if you think you can afford to waste time by watching that uneducated beast molest me—”

Deep down – _very deep down_ —James felt sorry for the poor sod, as he may have gotten a laugh out of what had happened, but certainly didn’t seem to have mean intentions.

However, his tirade was interrupted.

“Woah, _calm the fuck down_ , Griffin.” The young alpha was frowning now, raising his hands in a calming gesture as if placating a skittish horse, getting the officer’s attention.

“I was gonna apologise. Kosmo’s still… a bit excited about being on Earth and wants to socialise with anyone he sees.” A sigh. “ _I’m sorry_ , get it? Wasn’t planning on laughing at you or anythin’. ” He drawled, crouching down to pet the wolf that up until then had been sitting by his side, curiously watching the exchange, and that now seemed to have a renewed interest in James, seeing as he kept on studying every single one of the officer’s movements.

Of course James noticed immediately.

“What’s his deal?” He asked, eyeing him warily, “He’s not gonna jump me again, is he?”

“No he’s not.” Keith huffed, rolling his eyes. “I told you, he’s just overexcited.”

Then, as if reminiscing something, he fully straightened up and took the few steps that divided them.

“Listen, I think we should start off on the right foot, seeing as we didn’t last time. But I think we’re really… I mean, we’ve both grown up and we’re not little kids trying to beat each other’s scores on the sim anymore…” The alpha started rambling, looking off to the side and avoiding any kind of eye contact with the other pilot, as red began dusting pale cheeks.

“I mean, we’re both leaders now, kinda, I s’pose, and…”

_Oh God he’s going to keep going till the end of time._

_Better stop him._

James cut the paladin off with a heavy sigh. “Alright, I got it, I got it. Start over?”

Keith nodded.

The omega extended a hand.

“Hi, I’m James Griffin, the asshole who’s made fun of you and your family for years without even knowing you were an orphan. Nice to meet you.” He offered with a grin. “I hope we’ll work well together.”

The alpha grinned back, reaching out and clasping the other’s hand with his own.

“Hi James, I’m Keith Kogane, the kid who got the scolarship you were aiming for by stealing a car, making your hard work null. I might also have punched you once or twice, though in my defense, you were being a dick. Also, I’m half alien. Hope it doesn’t bother you.”

A chuckle bubbled out of James at that, and the conversation with Rizavi was pushed to the back of his mind as the two apologised to eachother and caught up on the years lost in between them.

They kept going even as they went back to work, coordinating the field and helping when possible, until the sun was low and stars made their way onto the dark sky, when it was decided to go back to the Garrison and pick up where they left the next day.

James wasn’t sure why and wouldn’t know how to explain it properly, but when the time came to separate from the alpha and go back to his own vehicle, his instincts drove him the other way, towards the paladin who was already halfway to his lion. In the course of one afternoon, the scent of sandalwood and lemon already started registering in his mind as _safe._

And, honestly, that creeped him out a bit.

As he was mulling over it tough, his thoughts were once more cut off by a flash of blue, this time in front of him.

Kosmo sat there, tail wagging and ears perked up, observing the omega—waiting for something, maybe?

“Uh… You’ve, been a good boy? Guess, uh, guess I’ll see ya and Keith tomorrow?” James asked, awkwardly reaching a hand and petting the cosmic wolf, as a loud chuckle followed by a whistle reached him from the Black Lion.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow, _Officer Griffin_! C’mon Kosmo, keep up!”

In the blink of an eye both the wolf and his owner were gone again, leaving the bewildered omega in the ruins of a city, shaking his head up at the sky.

“See ya tomorrow, _Paladin._ ”

*

Dinner saw James and Nadia sitting at separate tables in the cafeteria, occasionally sneaking glances at eachother but actively avoiding the other’s gaze, as Ina -who had opted to sit by Rizavi’s side even though she was still on speaking terms with the other omega- often nudged the beta in the ribs, trying to convince her to talk to their friend but never succeeding.

Besides that, apparently word had somehow gotten around of their _disagreement_ and now every single person in the room was either openly staring at them or gossiping about it with their friends in hushed voices.

Needless to say, James felt miserable.

He was aware of the fact that the beta wanted to help him and that, by behaving the way he did, he hadn’t let her. However he himself wasn’t sure of what he wanted to do and every time he thought about the whole situation he felt a surge of pure, paralyzing fear course through him, and Nadia’s inquiries that morning had only made him more jittery, nervous about the impending choices he would have to make.

He did want to apologise to her.

And to Leifsdottir, for putting up with them.

However, as he caught for the upteenth time that evening the eyes of some gossip-thirsty cadet, staring at him almost as if willing the omega to break down and whine about his sorrows in front of half the Galaxy Garrison, he couldn’t help the sharp glare addressed to them.

_Not today, Satan._

He drew his chair back with a loud screech, silencing and catching the eyes of the whole room.

“If anybody has something to ask me or, _godforbid_ , something to say _about_ me,” he turned, finally meeting Rizavi’s eyes accross rows of tables, before cerulean eyes turned elsewhere, scanning rows upon rows of cadets and officers alike, “I would advise you to just ask or say those things _to my face_.”

James found himself aware of the possible ripercussions of blowing up like this, in public, _in front of his superiors_ , however, at the moment he couldn’t care less.

“The same goes for officer Rizavi.” He added, almost as an afterthought, before slowly making his way out of the cafeteria without even sparing a glance at said officer.

_Tomorrow, I will apologise for everything._

_Tomorrow._

*

“Lying on the couch for hours while having an existential crisis” was not in the job description.

Of course, that didn’t stop James from doing that exact thing, on his back on the couch in the common room which he had now basically claimed as his own, staring at the grey ceiling while questioning himself and his choices and making himself cry in the process, a mix of unbalanced hormones in the pregnant, unmated omega already making itself known along with the thought of the faraway alpha who had started this all without even being aware of it, and the guilt of snapping at one of his friends.

His line of thought was however cut off once more.

As he lied on the big, worn couch, he only had time to notice a familiar blue light before feeling for the second time that day the sudden weight of eighty pounds on top of him. The omega let out a soft “Oof!” as he lifted his head to see Kosmo, ears perked up and head tilted, resting on top of him.

James smiled weakly.

“What are you doing here, huh?”

The omega reached out and scratched behind the wolf’s ears, suddenly feeling a lot calmer.

Kosmo laid his head directly on James’s stomach, inquisitive eyes turned on him, and he felt the urge to cry again.

The beast began to whine slightly, nudging a damp snout against the omega’s abdomen, huffing and then resting his head there.

James let out a wet chuckle, threading his fingers through the wolf’s fur. “What, you smell it or somethin’?” He mumbled, the soft, warm weight on top of him feelig like the thick covers the Garrison standard kit lacked and that he _missed so much_ , making him snuggle up further, and suddenly his eyelids felt oh so heavy.

“This is gonna stay between you and me though, right buddy?” he whispered, only faintly hearing the huff he got in response before sleep overtook him.

_Maybe I could just rest my eyes for a bit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've also written a short review, for now basing myself on all the spoilers I've seen, however I might make a longer and more detailed one after I watch the season and then stop mourning for it.  
> If you'd like to read it, here's the link: http://people-will-definitely-talk.tumblr.com/post/181135140612/a-short-reviewrant  
> If you want, you can also come scream at me about this season on tumblr.  
> Also, I haven't removed the author's note yet bc unfortunately, between university and the fact that I'm out of already-written chapters, updates will be a bit more sporadic.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words are had, advice is given, and a friendship is restored.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year guys! I know I’m late, but s8, university work, heartbreak, and making a Rose Quartz cosplay alltogether apparently will destroy you. I’m also trying to define and better my writing style, and as much as I have the whole fic planned out, I still need to write everything down so updates are going to be more sporadic. But on to more important things: **Thank you guys so much for your feedback!**  
>  About this chapter:  
> 1- you’ll have to pry abuelita’s character from my cold, dead hands. Also, the little bit of spanish in here is from my basic knowledge of the language along with some guesses I made starting from Italian grammar, I apologise if that’s incorrect.  
> 2- my headcanon on Colleen was for her to be a medical doctor and I stuck by that because it actually fit in the fic.  
> 3- in most cases, morning sickness should start easing by this period of the pregnancy. However, some such as my friend can apparently be unlucky and have it start during it. And, I mean, I love putting my favourite characters through hell before giving them a happy ending, sooooo  
> Jamie’s gonna be pretty unlucky too :’)  
> Also, in the next few chapters our two favourite snipers should start showing up heheheh  
>  **Tw: slight description of blood and vomit**

**Twelve weeks, the Mom Squad.**

Four weeks later, and still James and Nadia weren’t on speaking terms.

As much as the omega was willing to apologise and rekindle their friendship, he was almost as stubborn as the beta was, and the situation soon became a battle to see who would fall first, with no winner in sight yet.

In the meantime, James had started going to his doctor’s appointments and already could not stand them, as every single time the same nurse would be there, looking at him with such pity in her eyes, as if he were some poor silly omega who had taken the wrong choice. The fact that he was a subject at risk and therefore had to have bi-weekly appointments instead of monthly ones did not help at all.

He hated that damn nurse.

On the bright side, the doctor gave him valuable information about the pup – he had soon discovered there was only one, which was apparently the norm for Defectives—  who was now starting to grow fast.  James was given vitamins and supplements to help both the baby and himself, he was following every recommendation and up until now everything seemed to proceed smoothly.

According to the the old beta he had even been lucky, for he hadn’t been subject to the horrors of morning sickness.

So really, James was being a good boy.

In the end he had finally taken the choice to keep the foetus in his womb, so of course he now held a responsibility towards them, and he loved them already alright.

But that didn’t mean that he would be bursting with joy when one day, after showering, he found himself unable to put on a shirt because his chest and scent glands had become too sensitive, or when his uniform started feeling a bit too snug around his midsection.

James’s scent had also gotten sweeter, gaining sort of a powdered milk smell that was only ever found in expecting omegas, luckily not so much so that any other could notice but him, but the change was still there and that made him overjoyed just as much as it terrified him.

It meant that the pup was healthy.

It meant that anyone with a better sense of smell could notice.

However, the omega kept up with his job with no complaint whatsoever, jaw clenching with each bout of fatigue or sharp stab of pain in his back but never uttering a sound, and then at the end of a long day he would simply find himself stretched out on top of his small bunk, top removed, hands resting on the slightly distended belly.

Three months, most of which spent unaware of the life growing there, and that simple act could already bring him tranquility.

James was falling hard.

The love he felt towards the small being inside of him was a bright little flame that was steadily growing with every day that passed, and nothing was going to change that fact.

Not even Nadia Rizavi and her sheer stubborness.

So when one day he accidentally ran into her in the hallway, he did the only logical thing his brain could come up with: he ignored her. Instead he aknowledged Ina, who had been walking and conversing with the beta before the interruption, and sped off towards the meeting room, where he had been directed.

However, he never would have expected for Leifsdottir to be waiting for him outside when the meeting was over, so of course his only response at her saluting was a slightly confused “Huh?”, which was met with a raised eyebrow from her.

“Griffin, may I exchange words with you,” her eyes darted to the officers filing out of the room behind the other pilot, “ _in private_ , if possible?”

James only had the time to nod before he was being whisked off in the directions of the omega dorms and into Ina’s room, the blonde directing him with a hand wrapped tight around his wrist – _when did she get so fucking strong?—_ pushing this and that way—as if he didn’t already know the hallways like the back of his own hand.

Said hand was finally released as his blue eyed captor turned to level a glare at him—as much of a glare Ina’s face could summon—and started talking.

When she spoke, his fellow omega’s voice was soft and calm as ever and James released a sigh of relief. He had expected an angry tirade.

“The both of you should apologise.” Leifsdottir’s freckled face returned to its usually impassibile form as she sat on the edge of the bunk and looked up at him, scrutinising in that certain way that always made him squirm and want to find the nearest place to hide in.

He knew exactly what she wanted and as much as he was not in a compliant mood, he knew he would never have the courage to decline the offer to talk that the other omega would dish out on rare –and sometimes extreme – occasions.

“Ina, I know. I was dumb and shouldn’t have treated Nadia that way, but if you’ll— ”

“James, am I right in assuming that you did not know of Rizavi’s relationship with Officer Veronica McClain?”

The other pilot was shocked into silence, lips stretched around words that now had no sound, cerulean eyes staring at his fellow officer in a mixture of surprise and confusion, as he slowly took place on the empty spot next to her.

“Nadia… and Veronica?” That was new to him. He had known of course that they were on really good terms, as they did display affection while in eachother’s company on base, and thought they were close friends, but _in a relationship?_ James’s radar for such things had always been non-functioning.

Ina’s, apparently, was not. And she seemed surprised that he hadn’t known already.

“They have been in a relationship for more than eight months now, and took the decision to Bond shortly before she was sent away with Kinkade. You know how Nadia is, she’s the only beta in a family of alphas so she has different tendencies from those with her designation, and this already has caused discussions with Veronica in more than one occasion, as she is an alpha and of course her instincts will her to be the dominant one.” The blonde crossed arms over her chest and turned to him with raised eyebrows, face unreadable. “You really didn’t know?”

The other answered with a shake of his head, still slightly overwhelmed by the revelation. But still…

“And what… Why is this relevant to my discussion with her?”

Leifsdottir huffed – that was so unlike her, he must have been missing a _really_ important point there—and pointed at him. Or, more specifically, at his neck, where his scent gland was safely hidden by the high collar of the uniform.

“You’re expecting  a pup, James. Usually, in mated couples, the alpha starts having certain… _instincts_ , during the omega’s pregnancy, which result in them being overprotective of their mate to the point of being annoying. Nadia being a beta shouldn’t be a problem, except that she has alpha tendencies, and her mate is miles away so of course as soon as she knew that you – _an unmated omega that’s suffering for his alpha’s absence_ —were pregnant, her instincts started yelling at her to take care of you, because you could be considered by all accounts a defenseless, abandoned creature incapable of caring for both yourself and your litter.”

James was hit with sudden anger, the kind that made his vision white out for a few seconds, as her words sank in.

_Defenseless._

_Abandoned._

_Incapable of caring for your litter._

A sudden stinging sensation brought him back to present and he blearily realised that his hands had been wound into fists so tight that blunt nails had started leaving half-moon shaped marks on his palms.

He slowly unclenched them, breathing out a long sigh to calm himself down.

It didn’t really work, but it was worth a try.

He stood up, vision still a bit hazy, throat dry as sandpaper, and took a couple of steps until he was in front of the bare wall of Ina’s room.

“So, so what?” He croaked, “Her instinct is to pity me? She needs to help the poor omega that was knocked up because, because,”

Hands wounded again into tight fists, clenched at his side, “he was too busy _gagging_ for an alpha’s knot to notice that he hadn’t taken” A fist smashed against the wall.

“ _One._ ”

Another one followed.

_“Fucking_ ”

Both hands were repeatedly slammed on the wall.

_”Pill?_ ”

His knuckles hurt, but he kept on going, pouring his fury on reinforced concrete, uncaring of the cuts now marring his hands and the blood staining them, as he let out a sound not dissimilar to that of an howl and his scent turned acrid and invaded the small room.

_”James!”_    

He barely heard his name being uttered by Ina before he was pulled away, a calloused hand at the back of his neck pressing on swollen, sensible glands, that paired with the pain in his hands made him whine in agony as he trashed into the strong hold, now running solely on instinct to protect the pup, or maybe that was only because of the way he felt about the whole situation, _he didn’t know which one,_ and then another hand grabbed his waist and he was being flipped onto the mattress by a tall, _purple_ figure.

He kept on trashing underneath it as he started feeling an itch, like fire lit under his skin, and tried to scratch it away, breaking one hand free and only managing in smearing a bloody fingerprint on his own cheek before the wandering hand was caught again in a much bigger one.

“Officer Griffin, I would advise you to stay calm, otherwise you may hurt yourself.” The purple figure was apparently one of the Blades of Marmora, Keith’s mother, _what was her name…?_

His slowly restoring thought process was again interrupted by a loud sound… a growl?

_Purring,_ what remained of the logical part of his brain submitted, _it’s purring._

It came from the Galra currently straddling him and keeping his arms in place, and it somehow calmed him in the blink of an eye, all tension leaving his body as he let out a subdued whine and slowly turned to the side, where Leifsdottir was staring at him wide eyed, almost terrified.

“You should not stress yourself this way, kit.” He felt more than heard the woman’s deep voice, too focused on controlling his breathing and not letting Leifsdottir out of his sight.

He felt a bone deep ache, that started at his knuckles and spread throughout his whole body, as he lay there, both wrists still held tightly above his head by the Galra’s hand, staining thin sheets of a deep, deep red.

One quick glance revealed that the wall, too, had bloody imprints on it.

_Fuck._

He had wanted to apologise to Nadia and look what he got instead.

“…Alright?” James’s eyes snapped back up to the woman above him – _Krolia, her name’s Krolia_ —to see her carefully remove her hand from his own and felt her penetrating gaze all over him.

“I’m, I’m sorry, I didn’t hear what you said.” He admitted, looking off to the side once more as Ina took a few steps towards him, the worried expression on her face oh so unfamiliar to him.

“She asked if you were alright. You were in a state of distress. The missus heard you and came to help.” She stated, albeit a bit insecure, and the woman in question nodded at her, confirming.

 “I found myself in the hall and heard your… _commotion_.”

A heavy weight settled in James’s stomach. What if she had heard everything? What if she now knew about the pup? _What if she went and warned High Command about it?_

“Ma’am,” He croaked, grimancing at the way his own voice sounded, “I would, I would be forever grateful if you didn’t, ah, _divulge_ what happened here.”

What a sight he must have been to her, dishevelled, with blood smeared on his cheek and bloody hands and, and his shirt must have ridden up and now _Krolia was staring at his exposed stomach dammit-_

A raised hand halted his frantic thoughts.

“I am not here to judge upon your actions, I only heard someone in distress and came to help.” Krolia said, a heavy sigh leaving thin lips as her eyes moved to rest on the bloody fingerprints that stained the otherwise immacolate wall.

“I would, however, recommend you two clean this mess as soon as possible, or Commander Iverson might find out.” The Galra’s piercing glare moved once again to that strip of slightly expanded skin, her serious expression giving way to a softer one. “I would also recommend you, Officer Griffin, to wear protective padding under your flight suit during missions from now on. It is not much, but it should work for now, as you seem to be in the early stages still.”

James was dumbfounded. Had Krolia just… decided to help him keep the secret?

He shook himself out of his own stupor, a grateful smile stretching his lips at the unexpected ally.

“Of course ma’am.”

The woman nodded, silently taking her leave until, right at the doorstep, she halted and turned back on the two omegas, a soft glance directed at the both of them. “Oh, and Officer Griffin…”

“Uh, yeah?”

“ I would also recommend you apologise to your friend over there, she was very worried about your wellbeing.”

And with that she left.

Leaving the two pilots alone.

The air suddenly felt stifling, neither omega dared moving a muscle, the silence heavy between them, a silence made of stiff backs and evasive gazes.

And then, as he felt Ina scrutinize him once more, James broke it.

_Here goes nothing._

He took a deep breath. “She’s... she’s right, y’know. I’m, I’m sorry Ina.”

And then the words came tumbling from his lips before he knew it.

“I don’t know what came over me, It’s just, I feel so, _so fucked up,_ for wanting to have pups while there’s a war going on around us, and this thing with Nadia only made it worse and I don’t know how to even keep going like this, everyday I feel like everybody’s gonna find out and High Command’s gonna take me out of the program because of it, and I’m…” He ran a hand through his hair, uncaring of how there was now blood smeared trough it too. “…I’m scared, Ina.”

The other omega sighed, joining him in sitting on the bed.

“James, you know you can count on us, right? Nadia may be angry with you now, but she will come around, and besides, she would never let any harm come to you anyway.”

A soft touch on his shoulder made him look at the pale hand placed there in a comforting gesture.

“And neither would I.”

He swallowed, suddenly hit by a wave of deep affection toward his colleague, his fellow omega, his _friend._

James nodded.

*****

“Excuse me, is Krolia here? I, uh, would like to talk to her.”

James fidgeted, anxiety tightening his stomach into a knot and using it as a punching bag.

After having apologised to Ina and spending the night in her calming presence, he had woken up a lot more rested than he had been in the previous days, which were spent with a growing, uncomfortable pressure on his lower stomach that made it impossibile for him to catch some sleep.

That was why, a couple of days later, the omega found himself standing in the common room situated in the opposite wing  from his quarters, with a group of three middle aged women plus an elder analysing him from head to toe as he waited for an answer with bated breath. The morning after his breakdown in Ina’s room the blonde had somehow convinced him to formerly thank Krolia, providing him with her schedule and the places in which the woman usually spent her time off—and really, James didn’t want to know how she knew that.

“I’m sorry, Officer Griffin, Krolia is not here but you could leave a message, if you wish, and I’ll let her know you came by.” It was Dr. Holt who answered in the end, as she stood straight in front of him with a friendly smile.

James had seen the woman around more than once and he wasn’t scared to admit that he actually _feared_ her. The instances in which he had had the honour of witnessing her facing off many important officers and commanders all alone and coming out of it as the winner of the discussion were too many to count. However, now that she was apparently off duty -judging by her lack of uniform-  she seemed much more approachable, a soft beta scent permeating the air around her with mint and citrus that seemed to envelop him in a warm hug.

Neverthless, his unease hadn’t subsided and he pressed clammy, bandaged hands to the fabric covering his thighs in hopes of not letting the others in the room notice it.

_I hope the pudding they served yesterday wasn’t expired._

“I… I apologise ma’am but it’s, ah, it’s about private matters. If you could just let her know that I’ve been looking for her…?”

At the beta’s answering nod, James spun on his heel to quickly make his way out. In doing so, however, the waves of nausea that he had been keeping at bay for the past couple of hours suddenly crashed into him all at once, and he only had time to locate the bin that was luckily situated right next to the door and therefore near before he found himself on his knees in front of it, heaving his guts out.

“ _Dios_ ** _mío_** , shouldn’t he be already past that stage?”

In front of a group of total strangers.

He felt even more sick.

Gentle hands slowly started rubbing circles on his lower back and pulling his fringe back from his face, with soft encouragements of “there, there, it’s alright” accompanying each sob of his.

As soon as it was all over, those same hands held the young omega’s shivering frame and then helped him up and to the couch. As he sat, he recognised Dr. Holt flanked by a short, plump omega woman giving off a sweet scent of freshly baked pastries, who he recognised as Veronica’s mother, asking the other lady in the room for a glass of water and wet towels as they both fussed over him.

James sank into the cushions, exahusted.

Right by the elder omega that had been sitting on it since before he arrived.

Who was now staring at him intently, mouth drawn in a thin line and a hand coming up to adjust the thick lenses perched on her nose. “ _Ay_ , you sure are a skinny one. What do they even feed you kids here?”

The young man had no chance to respond before a glass full of water was thrust into his hand and another sweet, almost syrup-y scent was picked up by his oversensitive nose, coming off a tall, dark-skinned alpha woman whose reassuring smile seemed made out of _pure sunshine._ “There you are darling, drink it all up, alright?”

“Uh… Thanks, ma’am…”

More confused than ever, James felt the skin on the back of his neck prickle and once again turned to the old woman that had apparently kept her eyes on him the whole time, in silence.

“Do I… do I have something on my face?”

The woman grinned. -James _did not_ like that grin. At all.- and then started talking, Cuban accent sneaking through every couple of words.

“So are you that friend of Veronica’s? You sure smell like pups-”

He sputtered and coughed as the water he had been sipping mistakenly went through airways.

_“M_ _amá!”_

_“What?_ I only made an observation, I didn’t outright tell him that we already _know_ about that!”

The young man’s eyes darted between the four women in a panic, frozen on the spot as the four of them almost simultaneously turned to him.

“Why- how did you find out?”

The one who answered was Veronica’s mother, as she snapped a mix of spanish and english at the elder –apparently her own mother-, approached, and started fussing all over again, removing the empty glass from his clenched hand and emitting calming pheromones to get him to release it.

“Don’t worry, c _ariño_ , nobody else knows.” That had James already relaxing back on the cushions with a sigh of relief. ”We simply found out by accident, you learned to be quite… _subtle_ , with your scent.” The woman fidgeted with the glass in her hand for a moment as the others nodded in agreement. “-But all of us here have had children of our own so of course it was still easy to spot.”

The young man nodded, dumbfounded. Had they really just known by his scent? Was it really that recognisable?

Rosa continued. “Of course we could have been misguided the whole time, but your being sick right now only confirmed it.” Her face morphed into a grimance. “You don’t carry five times without getting acquainted with that.”

Dr.Holt took a step, gathering the group’s attention with a simple gesture toward his abdomen. “Officer Griffin, may I take a look? I would assure myself that it _is_ only morning sickness and nothing more grave than that, if it isn’t any bother.”

Again, the pilot nodded. “That, that would be great, ma’am. Thank y-”

He was silenced by a raised finger and a smug smile. “Call me Colleen, please. I’m off duty right now.”

These women just kept on surprising him.

“Alright… Only if you call me James, then.” He replied, turning then towards the others in the room. “Of course, that also goes for all of you ladies.” He quipped with a wry smile and a wink, earning himself a huff and a chuckle—plus a chimed “ _Oooh, I like this one!”_ from grandmother McClain.

“Well then I’m Iosefina, though you can call me Sefina, dear.”

“And call me Rosa. The fossil over there—“

“Hey, I am still alive and kicking, am I not? _Que ni_ _ñ_ _a insolente_!”

“— _the old woman over there_ , is my mother, Teresa .”

He quietly waited for Dr. Holt— _Colleen_ , to pull a basic med kit from one of the cupboards lining the room’s walls as the two McClains kept on bickering and the only alpha in the room approached him with the apparently ever-present soft smile stretching her lips.

“Don’t mind them, I’ve known them for years and they’re always like this. They’re both of the bullheaded kind.” She said, her expression fond if a bit apologetic. “If you feel uncomfortable with us being here, just say the word and I’ll drag them out of the room with me, alright?”

At his answering nod, she sat on the couch, settling on the side that wasn’t currently occupied by a ninety year old woman, and reached for his forehead, placing the back of a hand on the warm skin—it took a couple of seconds for James to realise that she was checking his temperature.

The woman seemed lost in thought for a moment, then nodded towards Colleen. “Temperature’s fine, just a bit high but that’s to be expected.”

The doctor hummed in aknowledgement and started measuring his vitals with a med-scanner, focused on the small flashing screen. “Everything seems to be fine here too, you and your pup are as healthy as can be, _James_.” She looked up at him with a bright smile, to which was impossible for James not to respond with stretched lips of his own.

“How far along are you? Looks still pretty small but scent’s already there so at least a couple of months, right?”

James nodded. “Yeah, around three months.”

Another wide smile from the beta. “Ah, it’s not so small that we have to worry about underdevelopement then. That’s good.”

A warm, fluttering sensation made its way into James’s heart at the confirmation of his pup being healthy and he couldn’t help but let out a relieved chuckle, even as he still felt clammy from the sick bout.

With an answering grin, Colleen started putting away the kit, humming a song to herself that was now otherwise the only sound in the room.

Then, Teresa McClain’s voice rang out and broke the silence.

“So, have you looked up some names yet?”

James choked on his own spit.

_“_ _M_ _amá_ _!”_

“What? Can’t I ask a simple question?” The older woman shrugged, eyes still fixed on the sputtering young omega. She vaguely reminded him of a hawk.

“Easy now, let’s not put pressure on him.” Iosefina, his saviour.

Rosa huffed a laugh. “Oh, don’t worry, she’s mostly  harmless.” She stated, shooting a half-glare at her mother.

 Heat rose to James’s cheeks and he squirmed on his seat. “Uh, actually… no. Isn’t it a bit too soon for that?”

Colleen returned, perching on the armrest on his right. “Well, it’s actually never too soon, you know. Some people choose a name as soon as they find out if it’s a boy or a girl, while others prefer waiting till the very end.” She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Don’t get stressed about it. You’ll feel it when it’s the right time for you to start looking. You and your pup are both healthy, and that’s what matters.”

The young man nodded, a genuine smile lighting up cerulean eyes, mirrored by the beta’s own stretched lips. Then, she turned a pointed look toward his belly.

“However, you _should_ spend a bit more time with your alpha, or your hormones might get all out of whack and start presenting a danger for the pup.”

_Ah._

Something must have shown on his face, because the woman’s own features twisted in a frown.

“You… You do have someone helping you through this, _right_?” Rosa asked from his other side.

Silence met her words.

_Crap._

James sighed.

“My- _the_ alpha, he’s… not really in the picture.”

Daring a quick glance at the group of women surrounding him, he was startled to find his nostrils assaulted by a strong, pungent scent.

What surprised him the most, though, was that it was coming off of the old omega.

The woman was staring at him intently, jaw clenched and nostrils flared, clearly upset.

“ They _abandoned_ you?! What kind of _cabrón_ had the courage to do that?” The younger sunk into his seat, avoiding her fierce gaze and choosing to focus on the still bandaged knuckles instead, as she went on.

“ _How_ could they refuse such a smart, handsome boy like yourself? And leaving their pup, too, what a horrible person!”

“ _M_ _amá,_ enough.”

James sunk even lower into the seat as the elder was reined in and all the attention was on him again, but felt the sudden need to defend Kinkade, and so a soft murmur left him. “He’s… He didn’t know. About the pup. The Garrison Command was about to send him on a long-term mission and I didn’t want to trap him here so I just… didn’t tell.” He choked out the last part, aware more than ever of the way the situation affected him.

Small, stubby hands placed on his shoulders had him looking up into chocolate eyes that seemed to search his soul before Iosefina Garrett wrapped him in a warm, comforting hug, surprising him with a noseful of her sweet, peculiar alpha scent. “You must be feeling lost right now, darling, but don’t you worry, everything’s gonna be fine.”

The omega nodded against her shoulder, feeling his own scent mingling with hers, and letting himself relax against the warmth of her embrace.

When she pulled away, it seemed too soon and he may or may not have whined at the loss of contact, startling a soft chuckle out of everyone in the room.

“Don’t worry, _ni_ _ño,_ she won’t run.” He heard Rosa say, as Colleen scooted a bit closer, a curious glint in her eyes.

“Don’t worry about pheromones and scent, right now, you can always find a surrogate alpha to spend time with you so as to balance your hormones, no need to despair.” The doctor smiled. “And, as for the father, if he ever so much as _thinks_ about leaving because of the pup,” the smile morphed into a sinister grin.

“We’ll be making sure to neuter him.”

*****

When the ladies sent him back to the dorms with the promise of telling Krolia that he had been looking for her, the only thing he had in mind was a nap. Sickness, with the addition of the emotional rollercoaster that having a conversation with a group of apparently overprotective women had been, had completely exhausted him.

However, as he made his way into the room, he realised that he wouldn’t be able to get the rest he so longed for. Not yet, at least.

For one Nadia Rizavi was sitting on his bunk, waiting for him.

The beta had been checking a list coordinates on her pad, yet as soon as she spotted him, the device was put aside, forgotten in favour of wrapping her arms around a very surprised James.

“What- ”

“I’m sorry!”

A knot formed in his throat and he had to blink tears away as he held his friend and, having a couple of inches on her, rested his chin on her head, basking in her soothing minty scent.

“I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you, you were just trying to help and I’ve been a dick about it” James murmured against her hair.

“Honestly? We both acted like total dicks instead of talking about it like proper adults.” Her words muffled against his shoulder. “If it weren’t for Leifsdottir, I wouldn’t have pulled my head out if my ass. I’ll have to thank her.”

The omega huffed a laugh.

_Trust Ina to be able to tame the both of us._

“Yeah, me too. Did you know that she basically kidnapped me from a meeting to give me a dressing down? That girl can be pretty damn scary, when she wants to be.”

Rizavi chuckled and pulled away. “Oh I love that about her.” She sat back on the mattress, pulling her friend with just to cuddle back into him again, pushing him down with only an _“Oof!”_ as a response.

They stayed like that for some time, in silence, listening to eachother’s breathing as they lay side by side on the small bunk.

Just as James was about sure that his companion had fallen asleep, the beta broke the silence. “Seriously, though, I’m sorry for being an ass.”

He sighed and snuggled further into her side. “Me too.”

The omega felt her nod and settle back again. He was scared, oh so scared of the months to come, but right now, knowing that his friends would be there along every step of the way, he felt the pressure in his stomach easing.

He couldn’t express how grateful he was for Rizavi and Leifsdottir.

Then, as he was mulling over the events of the past days, one particolar thing came to his mind and he just _had_ to tease Nadia.

 “Sooo… You and Veronica?”

He laughed at the disgruntled look he got.

“Oh, shut _up_.”

That only made him laugh harder.

The elbow that jammed into his side was _so_ worth it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's bad news, good news...and then bad news again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a hot minute huh?  
> Not gonna lie, it's been a shitty few months between family, economic and university issues, but writing kept my mind clear and helped me get through a lot of stuff (besides, I would never leave a discontinued fic, I would feel too bad). Also, I started on a couple more works so it has all been a bit slow-going what with the aforementioned issues.  
> Last but not least, if you want you can come scream, talk philosophy, or what else, at me on my recently gotten Twitter @liten_blom or on Tumblr at people-will-definitely-talk!  
> For those of you who are still out there, enjoy!

**Eighteen weeks. The paladudes.**

 

Five months.

He was five months into his pregnancy.

James couldn’t quite wrap his head around it.

It had also been around four months since he had last seen Kinkade, and _boy_ did that make him feel a heavy weight pressing on his chest everytime he thought about it.

He hadn’t seen nor heard of his teammate in all this time and that made him guilty in ways  he hadn’t known were possible. Every day he would wake up with this itch under his skin, to just _be with his alpha_ , which was starting to become more and more difficult to ignore as time passed.

Leifsdottir and Rizavi kept on helping, but as much as they spent almost all of their spare time with him, they couldn’t put aside their own duties to cater to his needs, and besides it wasn’t them his insticts were crying out for.

The only thing to do for James, therefore, was to simply grit his teeth and go on with life one day after the other, showering, eating healthily, taking supplements for the pup, being functional and useful to the Garrison in general, yadda yadda yadda.

It was monotonous, yes, but _exhausting._

The only highlights of the last weeks had been his encounters with Iosefina, Rosa and Colleen, which never failed to paint a smile on his lips simply for the relaxed atmosphere in which said encounters took place, and – incredible, yes, but true – the doctor’s appointments.

The old beta had complimented him more than once on how he was holding up, and on the pup’s progress, and James couldn’t have been happier because of that. Having hit the five months mark, the sole object of conversation with those who knew about the pup was now the detailed ultrasound picture that sat propped up on the small bedside table next to his bunk.

Still, the omega greatly felt Ryan’s absence and according to both Leifsdottir and Rizavi it showed.  The two cheered him up on more than one occasion and Nadia’s “ _My Jamie-senses are tingling_ ” had apparently become an inside joke for the two of them. They helped take a lot of stuff off his mind, and a heavy weight off his chest. A weight that seemed to almost disappear thanks to Nadia, who one day made her entrance into the common room, where James had been catching up on paperwork, with a spring in her step, her pad in hand and a smug grin printed on her face.

“Move that skinny ass of yours from the couch, Jamie-boy, and go put on something decent.” She said, sprawling all over said piece of furniture and poking his cheek, which had gained a softer edge as of a couple of weeks.

The omega looked up from his own pad, confused, to ask for a motivation when he saw the words flashing on the other screen, and his brain took a moment to process what was happening.

_ Connecting video call to: Ronnie <3 _

James blinked, looked up at the beta, opened his mouth as if to say something. Closed it for lack of words. Instead, he settled for a questioning noise, which was met with a raised eyebrow and a shove from Nadia. “Come _on_ , we don’t have much time, and Veronica can’t see you like this. I mean, look at you!” She gestured wildly in his direction, taking in the tank top and sweatpants combo he had opted for on what was supposed to be _his off day dammit_ -

“Hey! What’s wrong with my clothes?”

Rizavi pouted. “If I dressed up for a video call with my girlfriend, then you should look your best for my Ronnie too. I refuse to let the two hours I spent to choose the right clothes go to waste because you’re by my side, looking like you picked yours from a trash can.”

James groaned. “Why would I need to talk to Veronica anyway? Can’t I just, dunno, go away and leave you two to your gross sexy time?”

A pinch on his arm made him yelp and flinch back, trying to stay as far away as possible from the offender.

“You may not like it, but she’s your friend too, and cares about you as much as me and Ina do. She hasn’t heard from you in ages and only wanted to say hi, come on, you owe her at least the decency of showering and putting on clean clothes before talking to her!”

The omega snorted and finally rose, defeated. “ _Alright_ , then. You start talking to her and in the meantime I’ll go take a shower and put on better clothes.” He shook his head at her. “ _And_ , you two better not be in the middle of sexy times when I come back or I swear I’ll make sure you’ll be buried in paperwork for the rest of your life.”

He sidestepped, easily avoided another pinch directed toward his arm, and stopped at the thresold to shoot a glare at his friend.

“And besides, my clothes are fucking comfortable so shut up.”

He slid out of the room just in time to hear her utter, “Hey babe! I know I’m late but James was being a stuck up bitch _soooooo_ - _”._

*****

When he strolled back into the room, with his hair still damp and having exchanged the top for a soft, oversized hoodie that almost completely hid his growing midsection, it was to hear a voice that, though distorted by the electronic device ,and _definitely_ not Veronica’s, was still _so_ familiar.

_Can’t be. It can’t be him._

Slowly, covertly making his way to the couch where Nadia still sat and standing off a bit to the side, James was able to see the figure onscreen without being seen himself.

Kinkade’s focus was on Nadia, grey eyes never leaving her face, nodding along to whatever she was saying and cracking a smile, probably at one of her usual enthusiastic jokes.

Working outdoors certainly had done him good. The alpha seemed almost healthier than he looked during the Garrison days. Maybe they were fed better food, up in Canada.

His musings were however interrupted by the thrilling sound of Nadia’s voice. “James, look who’s here! Veronica brought _Lieutenant Kinkade_ along for our chat!”, she half turned on her seat to throw an analysing look at his clothes before winking, having apparently deemed them enough to not give the secret away.

James threw a glare back at her, perfectly aware that it hadn’t been a coincidence _at all_ that Kinkade was there, on the small screen before him. Neverthless, he walked closer towards the couch, until he was able to sit next to her in front of the camera, and offered a shy wave.

“Hey.”

The young man onscreen seemed almost taken aback, slack-jawed, plump lips parting for a moment before he quickly recomposed his features.

A heavy weight settled on the omega’s chest at the thought of him having noticed something and he waited with baited breath for any comments to come out of Kinkade.

The alpha however only looked back at him before a small, genuine smile graced his lips and then finally, _finally_ , he broke the silence that had built up. “Heya, Griffin. You… you look good,” he seemed at a loss for words and paused, “uh, healthy.”

Ignoring Nadia’s eyeroll, James felt a blush threatening to crawl up his neck and squirmed a bit where he sat. He nodded and grinned, putting on some false bravado. “…Healthy, huh?”

He absolutely did not enjoy the way Kinkade’s cheeks darkened.

Absolutely not.

He was distantly aware of Nadia standing up with a loud “I’ll leave you two to being gross alone, bring the pad back to me when you’re done, _and_ ,” a devious grin stretched her lips and James _knew_ she was going to say something that would make him regret being her friend, yet he wasn’t fast enough to stop her from continuing the sentence, “ _I expect it to not be covered in bodily fluids._ ”

And with that, and another wink thrown over her shoulder, she left. Leaving the both of them in stunned silence for a second as she made her way out of the room.

James whined, bringing a hand up to cover his now flushed face. “Oh God she’s a _menace_.”

A deep chuckle however made him look up, and his eyes met Kinkade’s, crinkled at the edges with laughter.

“You’ve gotta admit,” he said in between fits, “she’s always able to surprise us with this kind of things.”

The omega shook his head fondly. “Yeah, well, that’s never going to change about her.” He shrugged, “And it better not, I like her the way she is.”

The other nodded, “You better not let her know that, or you’ll never hear the end of it.” He said, a smirk still playing on his lips. “So, James. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you,” he said after a while, peeking over at him. “How are you doing? There anything new happening?”

They ended up chatting a bit more, exchanging news, laughing at Nadia and Ina’s antics and talking about Canada and how construction work was going along both there and in Plaht, about their cadet days, when fighting in an intergalactic war hadn’t yet been part of their reality.

It was refreshing, and James found that he missed the other pilot more than he had initially thought, and he was only noticing now that the alpha was in front of him again.

Words flowed easily between them, as if months hadn’t passed without them even seeing eachother let alone exchanging full-formed sentences and giggling - _giggling!_ \- over stupid things they used to do when still in school.

Then, a lull in conversation.

Uncomfortable, if you asked James, as if neither of them knew what to say.

And to think that he hadn’t kept in touch with the alpha in fear of the opposite thing happening, of being unable to stop himself from talking and giving himself away. Which, now that he thought about it, could have been misunderstood and taken as a dick move on his part.

_Should I apologise?_

“So- ”

“James- ”

They started talking in unison, stopping in surprise and sitting frozen for a moment, looking at eachother, before they both burst out laughing.

“Sorry, sorry…  You first,” the omega said, still shaking.

Kinkade nodded, and those grey eyes that were James’s weakness fixed on him again.

“Just wanted to say that you seem to be...” he paused, at search for words for a moment, “well.”

_Man, can someone even be that awkward?_

“I mean,” the alpha corrected quickly, “You just seem… happier, I guess. You smile and laugh more.” He paused, seemingly lost in thought. “It’s, it’s a good look on you.” And then he smiled.

Oh, _that smile_. It was barely a flash of teeth that lasted a second at most, but it made his heart melt and his eyes sting with tears whenever he thought about it, now more than ever as he knew that, if Kinkade ever got to know about the situation, he would do anything _but_ smile at James.

_Focus, you dumbass._

Kinkade was still staring at him, smile still on yet a bit dimmed, maybe reading the omega’s silence as a negative sign.

“…Thanks. You look happy, too.” James half-grimanced at his own stiff words.

“Yeah, well. I am. I really am. I’ve… been dating someone lately, and I believe she really does make me happy more than anything at the moment.”

The smile froze on his face. He felt his stomach drop and everything around him stop as his brain processed information.

_He’s with someone._

_She makes him happy._

_He’s happy with someone else._

“James, you… everything okay?”

He snapped out of it again, seeing Kinkade’s face taken over by a worried frown. He tried for a fake smile.

The alpha’s expression told him he had failed.

“Yes, I’m… I’m glad you did. She’s a lucky one.”

He couldn’t find in himself the happines to express in words the warmth needed when someone close found a special other. It wasn’t that he was not happy that the alpha had found someone, he just wasn’t happy that that someone _wasn’t him_.

Yet, the hesitation in Kinkade’s tone meant that he _had_ definitely thought about James’s possible reaction to the news. Maybe he did still care for the omega – as a friend, certainly.

But the genuine smile that his response got was absolutely worth it. Again, a flash of white teeth showing through lips that had less than six months ago been his to kiss and _oh_ how James wanted to tell him then and there about the pup and show him the ultrasound picture and just.

Why couldn’t he? What had possessed him months prior, when he decided not to tell the alpha he was expecting?

(Logically, he knew that he had done it to prevent it from anchoring Kinkade in an unwilling relationship, but still.)

It just wasn’t _fair._

Here James was, faking smiles and thrills for his ma—his _friend_ ’s blossoming relationship with an officer from another division -which, according to the alpha, he would _absolutely adore_ \- while being knocked up with said friend’s pup.

_Somebody up there must really get a kick out of seeing me suffer._

Fortunately, Kinkade was called not too long after by a fellow pilot who requested his attendance on a meeting, thus being forced to hang up with the promise of keeping in touch.

Leaving James sitting alone, staring at the now blank screen.

A sob ripped out of his throat. Why had he been so stupid as to think that the alpha would just what, wait for him? Stay unmated forever only to run at James’s call when the omega deemed himself ready to have an adult conversation, man up and tell him about his unborn child?

James himself didn’t know what he had expected. But certeainly not _this._

He slouched over the cushions of the couch, now lying down and taking up most of the available space, and took deep, calming breaths, hands holding his swollen belly in a cradling motion.

That was when he felt it.

A fluttering motion, just under the distended skin, pressed against his hand.

A surprised gasp left him as he sat up straight, confused frown resting on his face and hands now patting and massaging all around his midsection. Then, just as he was about to write it down as a piece of his own imagination, he felt it again.

The pup kicked.

_His child was kicking._

He couldn’t believe it.

A smile stretched his lips wide and he jumped up and ran out of the room, intent on finding Nadia and Ina. He knew he looked possibly mad, smile splitting the tears-swollen face and pad still in hand as he ran through the dim halls of the Galaxy Garrison in search of his friends, but he couldn’t care less.

*****

“I can’t believe it. The guy just, dunno, says some charming words to you and _boom_ , the baby kicks! I’ve been whispering to my future nephew for weeks and nothing happened!”

_”Nadia.”_

“You have to admit that it _is_ fascinating to think of how Kinkade’s voice might have triggered some kind of instinctual response in the pup. Actually, there are many studies that –”

“Ina _please_ , not you too.”

James ran a hand through his hair and huffed. Nadia had been going on for a day and a half about how she couldn’t accept that the baby might have moved as a response to Kinkade’s _”sweet and sultry tones”_ instead of doing it for her. Plus, they had just returned from a briefing and he was _tired_. It had been unexpectedly decided that the three remaining MFEs would follow the Paladins on the planned mission –well when they said _mission_ it was fancy wording for _move debris around and throw it into an extra large trash can so the construction crew can do its job_ but still, mission – of the following day to have more hands on deck, and James was definitely not in the right state of mind to think about Nadia’s whining on top of that.

Since after Kinkade’s video call, when the excitement from feeling the pup kick had worn off, he had been feeling pretty unwell, avoiding any kind of interaction as much as possible to escape the feeling of nausea and _wrongness_ , and the itch under his skin that presented themselves as soon as he even got a whiff of other people’s scent.

Thankfully, Ina and Nadia both seemed to notice his sour mood and toned the conversation down to soft murmurs and the occasional grumble, letting their friend take a relieved sigh.

The peace however didn’t last long.

“Hey, James!” Keith was walking towards them, flanked by his colour-coded teammates, “Iverson just informed us that we’re gonna work together tomorrow. You been debriefed yet?” At James’s answering nod, he grinned, clapping a hand on the omega’s shoulder. And then something strange happened.

At the contact, all feelings of revulsion he had been harbouring while dealing with all officers during the meeting, and even while in Nadia and Ina’s company, vanished.

The change was so sudden James stumbled into the brunet for a moment, taken by surprise, and was only able to regain balance thanks to the alpha steadying him with that same hand.

“Woah, you okay man?” The big guy in yellow – Hunk, was it?– stepped forward, willingness to help clearly showing on his features. A waft of honeyed scent, so similar to that of his mother Iosefina, reached him and he couldn’t help but reflexively wrinkle his nose at it, his mind going a mile per minute though still in a mostly confused state.

_So, only Keith._

In his disorientation, though, he hadn’t noticed he had still been gripping at Keith’s forearms, where he had steadied himself before, and that the Paladin in blue armor –that was actually the Red Paladin, _what was wrong with these people?_ – was very clearly not enjoying it.

Lance McClain was narrowing his eyes at him, jaw clenched as the other omega grit his teeth, and the scent of rotten fruit slowly invading the hall, causing James’s stomach to roll uncomfortably.

“Sorry I, uh,” he slowly let go of Keith’s arms and distanced himself, “I just had a dizzy spell. That’s all.” He tried to subtly take in more of the Alpha’s lemon-y scent as he brushed off imaginary lint off his uniform under the watchful eye of what he assumed to be a very pissed off, _very_ jealous omega.

The alpha seemed to not catch the hint from McClain’s scent and the tense atmosphere and stepped even closer, a worried frown tugging at his features, “You sure? I can bring you to the medical wing if you want…”

As James was about to respond however, he got cut off by none other than the Red - _Blue?_ \- Paladin, who had also stepped forward and was meanwhile ignoring his teammates’ surprised looks, “Keith buddy, come on, he said he was fine, let’s go,” he said with clearly faked cheer, maybe just a _tad bit_ too harsh as he grabbed the brunet’s arm and half dragged him away from the other omega, “We’ve got a lot of things to do, right? We can’t stay and chat.”

Keith was having none of it, planting his feet and stopping the other young man’s stride as to stay by the near feverish Lieutenant, “ _Lance,_ what  in hell are you saying…?” His nostrils dilated and his eyes widened in surprise, as his sense of smell finally let him catch the bitter scent that permeated the whole atmosphere, “Are you- are you trying to _assert dominance over James?”_ he asked, incredulity clear on his face.

A hush fell over the hall at that and Lance’s form stiffened and the grin dropped in favour of a badly concealed snarl towards both the alpha _and_ the other male omega.

James felt seven pairs of eyes trained on him, studying his movements, his reactions, and felt even more sick as Lance’s scent grew stronger and stronger, like a thick fog enveloping him, sending his instincts into overdrive with the need to press himself close to the only familiar alpha in the room that could protect both James and the pup in his weakened state.

However, Keith was now advancing towards his pack omega with fire in his eyes and a snarl of his own, uncaring of the other Paladins who were now trying to diffuse the situation by pulling the Black and the Red ones away from eachother, unsuccessfully. “Don’t you ever _,_ ” he was saying, “ _ever_ , try and do that again.” The small height advantage the brunet had over the tan young man seemed to suddenly grow tenfold, as the two stared off at eachother with the air of two dangerous predators competing for territory about them.

“Keith buddy-“

“Shut _up_ , Hunk.”

The growled words had the Yellow Paladin’s mouth shut with a click, and with that, James’s patience was gone.

“Stop it.”

That got everyone’s attention, Keith and Lance’s necks snapping fast in his direction as Nadia and Ina flanked thir friend, glaring off at them.

“What-“

“I said. S _top. It._ ” James himself let out a low growl towards the two and, pushing by the ever rising nausea, stalked towards Lance. Every single person in the group seemed flabbergasted by his behaviour, the tan young man more than others, at what he perceived as a challenge from the other omega.

The two were around the same height, and that made it easier for James to lock eyes with the other. “Get your shit together,” he hissed in the completely silent hall, “You think I’m going to steal your alpha? You are _so_ wrong buddy. He was just helping me, back off.”

In his anger, he missed the other’s nostrils flaring at his proximity and the frown that followed during his small rant.

 It was as James was about to leave with Ina and Nadia, after uttering quick apologies to the rest of the people present and thanking Keith, that Lance’s previous pensive air made sense, when the Cuban’s hand suddenly shot out and wrapped around James’s wrist. Tight.

The resulting pressure on his glands, along with the gesture, ripped a surprised yelp that resonated in the room, getting reactions from the others as well.

“ _Lance_ -” 

“Woah dude-”

Thankfully, Nadia was quick and slapped the offending hand away, with a glare fixed right at the paladin, who raised both arms as if in surrender, “Sorry, sorry. Just wanted to check something.”

Keith was already at his side, apparently ready to murder someone judging by his expression. “Lance-“

A raised finger stopped him.

“Appapapapapap! It wasn’t anything meant to hurt him, _I swear._ Besides, I’d like to make sure of something. Is it alright with you?” The latter part, a question, was directed at James with a neutral expression.

Considering the fact that the scent of jealousy and bitterness was now almost gone, replaced by oranges and sea breeze, James, though still wary, figured he could trust the other omega, so he nodded.

An extended hand was offered to him.

James took it without esitation, and a shiver ran through his spine. As soon as he did, Lance’s thumb started pressing down firmly on his scent glands, again, but this time with an easy kind of pressure, almost like a massage, and as soon as the tought entered his mind, the thumb actually started moving and massaging his pale wrist, easing the pain that James had lately been feeling. He couldn’t contain a pleased groan, to the surprise of Ina, Nadia, the other four paladins, and even himself.

“Betcha your glands are all swollen, aren’t they? It must hurt like a bitch.” Lance hummed lowly, bringing his other hand to join the massage.

James looked almost breathless, he snatched his hand a second too late, and all of them could smell it, the sweet smell of milk, though still rather faint and nearly overpowered by Lance’s own scent.

It was then joined by sandalwood and lemon, and James was able to faintly realise that Keith’s own alpha scent was reacting to his.

“Griffin…” The Green Paladin’s voice was loud and clear, betraying actual surprise on the young genius’ part, in the silent atmosphere, “why aren’t you on leave?”

_Ah_.

That was the question, wasn’t it?

Why wasn’t James enjoying a much deserved leave while being pampered by a doting mate, like any pregnant omega would at this stage?

“Command doesn’t know…” He heard himself say through gritted teeth, “and I would very much appreciate if you didn’t go yelling around about this.”

“Nah mate, our lips are sealed, anyway congrats!” Hunk clapped his hands, excited, “How far along are you? Oh! Is it a boy or a girl? If you don’t know yet I can make cupcakes for the reveal…” thankfully, the beta trailed off as soon as he spotted James’s ever confused expression and Nadia’s almost murderous glare, “You know what man, we’ll talk about it another time, you look soooo out of it right now.”

“Is that why you were feeling unwell?”  The paladin in pink - _Princess A… Alena? Allura?_ \- asked, a refreshing presence as she didn’t seem to be part of any dynamic group, and as the omega nodded in response, he felt Keith stepping closer once more, Lance exchanging a few words with him before sending him right to the Lieutenant.

Keith rested both hands on James’s shoulders, his intense stare betrayed by the flush making his way up the alpha’s cheeks.

“May I?” he asked. The omega nodded, dumbfounded, before Keith guided his head so that the officer’s nose pressed into the crook of the alpha’s neck, nuzzling into pale skin.

“Okay, this is _weird_ _as fuck_.” James muttered.

Scenting was usually a very intimate step, only taken by couples or family, usually as to leave a sensorial mark so that other people would know that a person was taken, and therefore offlimits.

Keith pressed a little harder, emitting as much pheromones as he dared to, rubbing his own scent over the omega.

The more reached James’s nostrils, the more he reacted. One hand rose up to clench into the red and white uniform, as the omega completely _melted_ into the awkward not-really-a-hug, uncaring of the small audience of paladins and MFE pilots right behind Keith. Any sense of unease vanished the more he inhaled the now familiar alpha scent.

Keith let his head loll to the left, completely exposing the side of his neck, his hand lazily coming up and weakly draw circles into the other’s clothed back. His other hand came to rest on the juncture of James’s neck and shoulder, thumb pressing over his scent gland, and into the tendon there, fingers pinching lightly and massaging the area, eliciting a sound akin to that of a purr from the omega.

Then something, _somehow_ , went wrong.

A pained groan was all the warning they got, and then James was suddenly slack in Keith’s arms, his body slumping forward and making the alpha stumble around before Lance was at his side, helping him in keeping the other omega upright and placing a hand under the brown fringe now covering closed eyes, only to quickly retract it.

“Fuck, he’s burning up.” The tan young man hissed. “I have never seen something like this, he seemed to feel better with you…” he trailed off, shooting a worried look to Keith.

His -not officially- mate had the same look on his face, arms now fully supporting the pilot’s unconscious body, “I thought so too…” The alpha frowned, turning to address the two other Lieutenants, “Ina, Nadia, we need to bring him to the medical wing, do you know if –” he was cut off by the beta, who had already gotten what he was about to ask.

“Doctor Moore is the only one who knows, at least as far as we know, James told him that he would file all papers to inform the higher ups himself so that Moore wouldn’t accidentally out him.” She informed, before hurriedly starting to make her way down the hall with Ina, the paladins following her, James being carried bridal style in Keith’s arms, with Lance at the end of the procession.

Not long before they reached the medical wing, Hunk spoke up. “Guys, I remember something like this happening to my aunt, she- my uncle was… Well he was an addict and, y’know, he got in real trouble and got arrested while she was pregnant like, at the seventh month, and, and she started having problems even with my mom trying to help with her alpha scent… She, she lost the twins, in the end.” He looked up ahead, worrying at his bottom lip.”Do you think he’s gonna…?”

Nadia whirled around and glared up at him through thick lenses, “Don’t you _finsish that phrase._ James- He’s going to be alright, and, and the pup too, they’re both going to be fine.” She turned back around before she was even done talking, afraid to show the tears brimming at her eyes, and kept marching towards the medical wing, the five paladins silently following.

_That dumbass better be okay or I’m gonna fucking hit him with my plasma gun._


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone is a mess, but still doesn't realize it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi yes this chapter is not even sad or anything but I just cried so much over it because I was listening to the Harry Potter soundtrack and feeling old and like I had no perspective in life at all and the only thing anchoring me was this story *throws chapter at you and runs away*  
> Jk can't run yet, I still need to thank you all readers for kudos, comments, criticism and whatmore!  
> Also -you might have to wait a little more to find out what happened to James, whoops!

“Hey babe, you in here?”

The young man flinched, he hadn’t been expecting a visit.

On a rare day off, Ryan Kinkade had planned to only hang out with his camera and the footage on it. In the past weeks, he had been able to film so many amazing landscapes and wanted to be able to edit his work. Besides, Lieutenant Kane, the only person he tollerated – well, _more than tollerated_ – in the godforsaken base he found himself in, was going to be on duty, and therefore could not actually help him pass the time.

So editing footage it was.

He had also been hoping to hear from Griffin, who he had to leave in a rush, with the promise of keeping in contact in the following days.

Well, two days had already passed and he hadn’t heard from James, nor had the other pilot picked up the call they had agreed on having.

So Kinkade had started worrying a bit, had taken to having his pad on him at all hours the following day, even going so far as to contact Rizavi and Leifsdottir however without any response coming from them either.

Scratch that, he was _a lot_ worried now. Having the day off certainly wasn’t helping, as at least with work to do he could have had something that would make him too busy to think about the lack of contact from James.

Editing… it felt good, Ryan couldn’t deny it. Unfortunately it still didn’t take the edge off, his mind still wandered to the blue-eyed omega and decided that it somehow was his fault Griffin wasn’t responding. Maybe Kinkade had offended him by cutting the call short?

His pad lay on the table, next to the camera – but still wouldn’t lit up with incoming notifications. However, as a couple of hours went by, he found himself relaxing a bit, focusing more and more on his task and less on the small, dark screen sitting beside his elbow.

That’s why, when Lieutenant Kane arrived in their joined room, he was taken by surprise.

They had been assigned to the same room at their arrival, as the Garrison base here had in part been destroyed during Sendak’s attack and so there hadn’t been enough room to accomodate all officers comfortably – they could actually consider themselves lucky, some people had had to bunk in groups of three or four per room.

 _Beggars can’t be choosers_ , he had initially thought while scanning the board with the list of grouped roommates, being presented with a _Room 34: Lieutenant Kane, S. ; Lieutenant Kinkade, R._

Yet, not even ten minutes into settling down into what would become his home for the foreseeable future, a bright-eyed omega had burst in, with a flurry of bittersweet coffee scent, while talking a mile per hour and _oh_ she had reminded him so much of Nadia during that first day, and he had felt homesickness fit itself into his chest thinking of his bubbly, talkative friend.

And maybe that had been why they just clicked, maybe it had only been about matching personalities or whatever, or maybe yet it had been because all the other officers had deemed him too intimidating to approach whereas his roomate kept on chatting him up, but still Sophia Kane had become in a matter of few months a stable presence in Ryan Kinkade’s life.

It was not even two months after that first day that they had their first “official” date, in a small family-run coffee shop that felt homey with all its soft, sweet scents that seemed to accomodate both of theirs perfectly.

The shop had been one of the first up-and-running businesses after reconstruction had started, “to make people who lost their house, their family, _their everything_ , feel like they still had one small bit of home left”, as the owners, an elderly couple with their middle – and now only – son, had told them.

Kinkade still remembered how natural it had felt talking to her.

Almost like with Griffin.

Don’t get him wrong, he had been crushing on the man for ages, but at last figured the other simply saw him as only a friend. (That didn’t mean that being asked to spend a heat together with the omega hadn’t hurt like a bitch at the time.)

Now, he felt like he could indeed call James a great team leader and most of all a good friend, and Kinkade had been happy to hear from him again, but towards the end of the call he had just seemed so _tired_ and it had caused some base instincts to flare up in the alpha’s chest like nothing else never had before. It didn’t help that none of his old team was answering his calls and messages.

He was indeed worried.

_If only at least Ina would fuckin’ answer me-_

“Babe, you okay?”

Ryan’s musings were interrupted by a smiling face coming into his visual, framed by the short brown locks that he absolutely loved running his hands through.

“Uh, yeah... Sorry, was just thinking.” He let out an amused huff at Sophie’s pout. “You finished early?”

The young woman nodded in response, a hint of perfect teeth flashing through stretched lips. ”Ye _p_ ,” she added, perching her chin on his shoulder and loudly popping the _’p’._ ”I came here to see if you were free, I’m boooored.” She whined, causing a chuckle to rise through Kinkade’s chest at the pout she still sported.

Sophie was energetic, always looking for adventure, and sometimes liked causing a bit of chaos in an attempt to, according to her, ’make things more fun’. She also might or might not have broken some rules in her pursuits at some point. But she was so... so _alive_ , and Kinkade had felt, since their first meeting, a strong pull toward her because of that.

She felt warm in a way none of his – admittedly few – partners had.

And that included James.

James Griffin was, well. He was a force of nature, in Kinkade’s books, although after spending their late teens forced as soldiers serving as a last line of defence for their own planet in a war against aliens, who wouldn’t become one?

But he was also different from others in that. During the war, James would bottle all his feelings up and kept them closed in a small glass cage closed by at least ten locks, hidden inside his brain. When he couldn’t keep everything under check anymore, he let them out, became _a volcano_ , full of pent up anger, and sadness, and desperation. The trick was in that the omega never let himself be seen that way, by anyone. So to all outside people all that was visible was a stone cold front, impenetrable, like a thick slab of ice.

And Kinkade, _oh_ , Kinkade had been ’lucky’ enough to be the only one in witnessing James Griffin unleash months of pure rage, to be let out on an unfortunate sparring dummy. He could still remember how fascinating the other young man had looked in all his moves, calculating and at the same time harbouring something inside him that just made each strike look absolutely _savage_.

Before the war... it was different. Griffin had used to be indeed very similar to how Sophie was, energetic, too curious for his own good and always ready to go for adventure, and Ryan could still remember how the first day of school he had been completely blown away by his assigned roomate, much like it happened with Kane.

A memory of a ruffled James, irritated at having been called a ‘twig’ by Kinkade himself on their first encounter, was what made him smile and nod at Sophie’s antics and kept him from cheking his pad every minute that passed as they went for a walk, chatted, laughed.

_He’s alright, he might just be tired from work. And he doesn’t have time to spare for me._

The lack of response by Nadia and Ina was still nagging him, tough, a small voice at the back of his mind yelling at him to just contact some other Lieutenant back on base and ask about the three MFE pilots’ whereabouts, and if any of them would kindly _answer his damn calls._

Later that day, when they were tired and cold from the chilly breeze that was starting to show during the now shorter and shorter days, Sophie and him sat under a heavy blanket on their bed – obtained by moving the two singles next to eachother – and watched old holovids that she had found in storage.

They were mostly ancient telenovelas, and he thought he actually recognised one or two as those his grandma used to avidly watch every single day at seven pm sharp, huge monsters of plot twists and cliffhangers that kept you on edge and willing to watch every single episode to get to understand why that guy cheated on his wife with the maid and _how in hell_ was the heiress alive if her body had been found devoid of life in episode 394 _really_ -

(Kinkade would never admit it, but he used to love watching those with his gran, when he was a child.)

The holos were good, the two Lieutenants had a laugh on the weird plot twists and mostly used the whole situation as an excuse to cuddle and exchange affection. It helped Kinkade ignore that small, nagging voice at the back of his mind, still screaming at him.

When time came to turn in and he went to change, he suddenly found Sophie’s lithe form plasted to his back, arms circling – or trying to – his  broad chest.

“You’ve been acting strange today…” she stated. She knew he had been worrying about something all day, his mind occupied on other things beside spending time with his girlfriend.

“Hm.” Kinkade nodded. He couldn’t really lie to her about his thoughts. Who knew, she might also end up helping him in dealing with the situation.

“A… a friend, he’s not answering my calls even though we had agreed on keeping in touch,” he started, taking one of Sophie’s slim hands from his side and slowly bringing it up to his lips for a chaste kiss, “at first I thought he might be pissed off at me for something, but- ” He released a deep sigh against the soft, pale skin of the young woman, “Now my other two friends are not responding either and I don’t know if it’s for something I’ve done, or…”

The hand he had been holding was suddenly retracted and the other on his side made him turn to stare into brilliant blue eyes, almost electric with the energy that resided behind them. “If you know for sure that you’ve done nothing bad against them, then it’s their loss. They don’t wanna talk to you anymore? Fine, they don’t deserve you in the first place.”

Everything stopped for a moment, Kinkade mulling over those words. He threw a glance at his desk, looking for any sign of life.

The pad’s screen remained dark.

“…I guess, yeah.” The smile he got in response was blinding, and the kiss he was eloped into was pure heaven, and as he was slowly led to bed by soft, alluring hands that were caressing all the right places, fate made it so that the pad’s mute option had still been on, and that he had turned away just in time to not notice the small screen light up with an incoming urgent call from one Nadia Rizavi.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Thunderclouds" by Sia, Diplo, Labrinth.  
> The idea for the entire plot came from some conversations with my grandma, who was a kid during WWII, that made me think of how, even during a war, people can still have small “problems”. So even while people out there die, and you’re scared for yourself and the people you love, you still can’t help but sometimes find yourself wishing for some small thing to just be right, just to have at least one bit of normalcy in a world that has gone mad with conflict.  
> Thus the plot that kept hitting me with a chair to try and get free was born.  
> Also this is a WIP, I was going to wait until finished to post, but I was still on hype from the s8 trailer so here it is.


End file.
